One day before Thanksgiving, I pulled up in the preschool car line to get Hank. His teacher helped him into the car. Then she said, "Becky, I told Hank I would speak to you about this when it happened the third time. Hank has been using potty words."
I said, "Oh, he has?" I was Very Serious.
She said, "Yes, today he said the f-word."
I don't know what my face looked like, but I went, "He said WHAT?"
She hastened to reassure me. "No, no, not that one, the other f-word."
The other f-word?
I'm sure I looked as blank as a cloudless winter sky. She was very solemn. I waited. Then she explained, "The word for passing gas."
Oh, FART. Hank said fart.
You know, fart. The "f-word."
I just don't even. I began laughing and have never stopped. I laugh in my sleep and even while eating.
But what I said was, "Oh, got it. Okay, thank you Miss L, we will talk about it."
Hank was sinking further and further into his seat while this conference took place. On the way home I talked to him about controlling his words, that he knows the right way to talk and he has better manners than that, that when he acts rude, it is embarrassing to both of us, etc.
The thing is, right after she said, "Hank said the f-word," I thought that it was perfectly possible he had finally said "fuck" in his classroom. He's never said that at home, but he has certainly heard this word in his lifetime. And we all enjoy that CeeLo Green song. I finally had to download the bowdlerized version because the kids liked the song so much and always wanted to sing it. I have long held the position that I don't really care what words are in songs the kids like, they're just words, we need not act like they have magic evil-summoning powers. But I also don't want to have many car-side conferences about my children's vocabulary.
(Fart is a really crude word. I would secretly rather he'd said fuck. At least that word has a tradition.)
Hank and I agreed that this unpleasantness would remain between the two of us. But of course when he wasn't around, I told Matt. We enjoyed the incident even more in the telling of it. Matt was like, "But her calling that the 'f-word' is the most adorable thing that has ever happened!" I was surprised he didn't get in the car, drive back to the school, and hug her neck. I mean, honestly.
Let's watch our language out there.