Thursday, November 7, 2013

I Got Your Real Housewives of Atlanta Right Here

Not sure why we posed in the wine cellar, maybe because the elevator was locked.
Today our winter tennis team went to play an away match at a Very Fancy Neighborhood. Like, this is the grandest neighborhood I've ever been in around these parts. Now, not grand in the old-money Buckhead way. No, rather, as Samuel Richardson says of Clarissa Harlowe's house, "like Versailles, it was sprung up from a dunghill, within every elderly person's remembrance."

Man, that's a great line.

The neighborhood next to mine, Fancy Land, is very nice. Likewise all the other nice places our normal routines take us to. Lovely big houses, nice amenities, beautiful everything, etc. But those neighborhoods are all filled with people basically like us. They work, in other words. Not Very Fancy Neighborhood! Its houses are not bigger nicer versions of my house. They are bigger nicer versions of a Loire Valley chateau--like Chenonceau with better light, an updated kitchen, and not all the dampness. I don't know who lives there except there are definitely some NFL quarterbacks and reality TV stars. Two of the Real Housewives are in there. (But, BUT, they've moved in there on the success of the show. They didn't start out there. Kim Zolciak lives there, but she started out in a townhouse behind our Great Harvest Bread Co.)

So we went to this country club and played on their indoor courts this morning, which was really nice to be able to do because it was raining. They served a delicious lunch, and all the ladies were very sweet, okay. They beat us. And my teammate texted me, "It's okay, at a club like this, the ladies are always good. They probably have their pros drilling them 24/7." And I started laughing and have never stopped.

Then, as we were leaving, Pretty Neighbor said that her friend--another neighbor of ours--works in the sales office at this club. We walked in to say hi to her, and she offered to show us through this huge vacant house. We were like, don't mind if we do! It was listed at 2.4 million bucks. The agent allowed as how she thought the house was overpriced, and I asked her what she thought was fair. She said 1.8 million, and I said, "Sold!"

Not really. Actually, it was very nice but not 2.4M nice. The layout was odd. And it says something about how quickly we can become critics of anything that we were finding fault with the butler's pantry. Like, a butler's pantry that was intended for an actual butler. Not enough workspace!

Things I liked: The top top end bathroom and kitchen fixtures and finishes; the limestone fireplaces; the designer light fixtures and chandeliers; the views.

It had a lovely walnut paneled room off the entry with a cherry floor. PN goes, "This is similar to your book room." And we LOL'd.

Walking away, I said, "I basically live in a shack." And we LOL'd some more. At least we can LOL.


Drilling them. I mean those pros are just drilling them night and day.

This house was 9,000 square feet. The agent pronounced it to be "Not really big enough for kids." And later PN and I were like, "Literally, what was she talking about?" But she also said that you can get bigger, prettier houses in that neighborhood for under 2M, so that is good info to have, I guess, for after PN and I get OUR reality show. Except Matt would never let me, so I would have to have some fake TV husband and fake children and this all starts to sound like work.

Just a little bit of my day I wanted to tell you about. Now carry on with what you were doing. xoxo


KrisT said...

"Drilling them 24/7" made me snort. When I was a kid my tennis coach used to always shout at us girls about what a good grip could do (the exact quote is too dirty for the comments section, but also a legit tennis critique), and I didn't get why some of the moms would start giggling every time she yelled it at us until years later. Tennis. So good for the laughs.

Jane said...

Did you take note of the fireplace? Was it a wood burning one or gas? (I am a fireplace snob) You look lovely in your tennis purples!

Elizabeth said...

What freaks me out is that 2M would actually only buy you a shack out here in Lala land. Our own 1600 sq. ft. house is valued at -- well, I'm just too embarrassed to say.

Marsha said...

I didn't get the drilling joke at first. My teen self would be disappointed with me.

What was the kitchen like? Was it one of those that asks you to pretend you're cooking in Tuscany?

Anonymous said...

I have to say that while reading of the nuptials for the van van Cullen family, I really relaxed into it when the report revealed the bride's family resided in Buckhead. I was assured from that moment there would be no hideous Napster-redwood postscript & by the end I would wish them every happiness found in such graceful refinement.

My idea of rich does not involve new construction. Not unless we're talking abt the modest home you had to have built to spec on your family's island, to house your pilot & his family,.after you finally bought your own jet bc new FAA regs meant the heli just wasn't enough anymore & who would ever fly commercial, anyway? Dreadful,.darling.

Justine said...

I met up with an old high school friend on my last trip to the ATL. She was telling me her woes of working with the city to fix up her house she bought on Piedmont Park. Stuff like "they won't let me turn my triplex into a single-family dwelling because the city doesn't allow triplexes." Hmmm. Meanwhile, I was still stuck on the earlier tidbit that her neighbor has a pool on his roof. I agree with Elle, this is what comes to mind when I think rich, but the 9,000 sqft mansion IS another way to go I s'pose.

Also, it's not just internalizing the really good quotes but being able to put them into the perfect context that speaks to your incredible talent, Becky. Good on ya.

Beth said...

Marsha, lol "cooking in Tuscany." I would love to have been on that house tour.

Becky said...

Cooking in Tuscany indeed! No, it was better than that--kind of that softened white and gray modern that you see in all the magazines. Light cabinets, marble counters, but a dark wood island, like furniture. I could post a snap on my facebook page. This is a plug for you to "like" me on fb!

And yes, Elle points out the necessary distinction between rich and rich. Here Paul Fussell's work on class is, as always, essential.

Sidebar, the realtor said that she was hoping for an all-cash deal because the house "would never appraise" for 2.4M. All-cash, lord.

Becky said...

And Justine, I need to make friends with your friend!