Friday, November 29, 2013

A Helpful Taxonomy

I drink your milkshake.
At Betty's house Matt and I are sleeping in a queen-sized bed instead of the king we have at home. Today I said, "Maybe we should go back to a queen bed, I like the extra cuddling." And Matt was like, we don't need a smaller bed, we could just turn down our thermostat. It is chilly down there in the basement guest room, and all night long we are plastered together like climbers caught in a storm on Everest.

I lay awake late into the night last night, reading my book and listening to the dog snore. Then I didn't get out of bed until in the elevens. I'm not even kidding and I am not ashamed. Then, a brunch of leftovers, some sitting around, a photo session for our Xmas cards (anybody know how to do a head swap?), then a singles tennis match with my friend the other Becky. Matt and the kids went and got a tree for Betty's front room, and then Matt and I went downtown to dinner with our friends.

These are our Four Loko friends. If you haven't read that post, I can't recommend my own work highly enough. LOL jk but really. 

The other three of the party all went to high school together, and talk between Matt and Sloan turned to the topic of Who Was An Asshole. The game went that one of them would say, "You know who was an asshole? [Name.]" And then the discussion would proceed and the exact nature of the assholery would be decided, illustrated, and amplified by the company. I was very absorbed in their recollections, and I gathered that there are the following types:

Secret Asshole
Funny Asshole
Asshole but he was okay
An Asshole to me
Surprisingly, an Asshole
An Asshole but he came by it honestly
A Certified, Card-Carrying, Dues-Paying American Asshole

I was like, you guys have already named more people who were assholes than all the people I remember from my high school class.

Then we asked the waiter to get the bartender to make a White Russian milkshake, and the waiter was like, that's not on the menu but it sounds like a really good idea. And we were like, go see what you can do. And it was delicious. Unsurprisingly.

I've got to get home because I can't go on eating like this. I haven't even told you about the ham tacos.

Anyway, I hope there was a treat of some kind and/or some useful analysis in your day. xoxo


Amy said...

I don't think I've ever had a White Russian (the drink, people--gah!) but now I want to try one.

As for the taxonomy…I never thought about it, but they're totally right. All those types exist in nature. To me, the worst is the Secret A-hole. You drop your guard and then, BAM! And the Surprising one. It's like, man we could've had something beautiful.

Erika W said...

The only time I've ever had an alcohol-infused milkshake was with you. Unsurprisingly.

Becky said...

E, I know, that was my only other one too! I SWEAR. And there's a pic of that one being comically sipped as well. Maybe all alcoholic milkshakes must be photographed in this manner.

Camp Papa said...

So, you can drink a white Russian milkshake un-ironically? Surprising.

Rebekah said...

We will have to get together more often so we can concoct more wonderful additions to restaurant menus and play more tennis. I only recognized the names of about 40% of those in discussion, so I had brain power to think about milkshakes. Great to be with both of you!

Hootie said...

I had a similar thought as I saw the taxonomy... do I remember this many people from school? But before that thought, I was wondering which category I belong in. But then, I am and always have been awesome. So... oblivious asshole.

Becky said...

Oblivious Assholes get a pass, thank God.

Unknown said...

I never comment but always read, and I have (very limited) insider information on the swapping of heads from my sister, who is a photographer. It is key to make the eyes match. Otherwise you can end up with the dreaded shrunken head look.

Becky said...

Okay, good tip. We definitely don't want the shrunken head!

Keely said...

I'd like to think I'm an Oblivious Asshole as well. Except that clearly in very aware of my own nature. No pass for me!

The restaurant industry taught me that Bailey's is awesome in pretty much every milkshake or smoothie ever made. That's about the only useful information I got there in 5 years. But seriously, it's delicious.

Kate said...

Sounds like a very appropriate conversation for high school recaps ! And we have a queen plus a dog. It sucks. Stay with the king

Amy said...

I was just re-reading your post about the Vanuatu trip, and there were ironic drinking photos there too! Do you and Matt have a problem?

Becky said...

A definite irony problem, maybe. Though I think we can quit any time.

I remember the pic you're referring to, and I think Matt would dispute the fact that he was sipping ironically. I remember that he was making sweet love to that pina colada, very earnestly.

Amy said...

Lol, ok. I won't mock their love.