Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Where's the Love?

Hank's preschool, which is run by a church, like all the good preschools around here, is right across the street from another church preschool. That one is the Big Red Church, while Hank goes to school at the Medium White Church. Hmm, "white church," I suppose it truly is. Oh ho ho. Anyway. Both preschools start at 9:30 in the morning, which means that the little road they both face must accommodate the simultaneous arrival of children for both schools: minivans bearing 500 kids turning off the big highway and getting into the car drop off lines. At Big Red Church, the one year-olds are dropped off on one side of the building, and the bigger kids are on the other side. At White Church, there's just one drop off line, but it's a one-way only loop. People are pouring onto the little road from the big highway, with some people U-turning to bring their one year-olds to the proper entrance of Big Red, and some people (poor souls) turning left into oncoming traffic to get into White Church's drop off line. Whatever, I only want you to understand that situation is best described as a total pigfuck. As we say in the South.

This morning, I had dropped Hank off and continued around the church to the exit, where I was waiting to turn left onto the little road that would take me back to the big highway. I was waiting patiently for an opening, as some people were still whizzing by to drop their kids off. Well, a woman in a gold Mercedes behind me was apparently upset that I was there waiting to turn left, as it prevented her from turning right onto the little road. Which she easily could have done if I hadn't been there, getting all in her way and ruining her morning. You see, in our universe, two objects cannot occupy the same place at precisely the same moment. And yet, there I was, at the front of the line, and she was behind me. So you see her problem. It has to do with physics.

I was admiring a flock of Canada geese that seem to be hanging around Medium White Church lately. They were all over the church lawn, bobbing and waddling. I was thinking, "Goose poop alert." Suddenly I heard a honking and a revving of an engine. Gold Mercedes zoomed around from behind me, flattening one of the little orange cones that the church puts up to keep people from turning in at the exit. As she cut narrowly in front of me, this lady gave me a really nasty look. I raised my hands in an exaggerated shrug, like a "WTH?" motion. And she stretched her right arm out towards me, perhaps to offer me a helpful hand gesture. But what happened is that she threw her cell phone against her passenger window. I could see it smack the glass as she careened away. I don't really know what was happening there. But how I wish her passenger window had been down.

This is one of my fellow parents at this Christian preschool. Sure lady, we don't know each other, but we are not all anonymous monads in our little bubbles. Maybe I'm not being fair. Maybe she had just spilled a beaker of acid in her lap. Or remembered that she hadn't set her tivo to record Regis and Kelly. But, could we all just relax a scoosh? And love on each other? As we say in the South.

Anyway, I gotta go brave the traffic to pick up his majesty. Goose poop alert! Have a good day and I hope y'all are feeling the love.

24 comments:

Jenni said...

That is some kind of crazy! Damn physics, ruining days.

danajk said...

Is it wrong that I, too was hoping that her window was down? How awesome if she would have had to stop and get out and retrieve her phone. Maybe a goose would have pooped on her. Even better!

Keely said...

Hahhahah! Goose poop alert. You totally have your priorities in the proper alignment, ma'am.

Amy said...

You never know what physics is up to, do you? You are hilarious! It's funny how irrational people can be, and get all angry with you as if YOU can control it all. It shows you how much stress people are under, and when all that finds an outlet--look out!

That said, I think it'd be interesting to approach her at the next parent meeting or whatever and just see how awkward it is! Jason was taking Ava to school one day and a lady honked and gestured at him from her car. Of course, it turned out that they were BOTH going to the school, and we see her pretty much every day. So they had to talk. Jason relishes those kind of awkward moments, he takes a strange delight in them. Like, "okay, how are you gonna handle this now that I'm not anonymous?"

SO SO funny about the cell phone thing!!

The Stiletto Mom said...

She threw her phone??? OH how I wish her window had been down too. What a nut job...probably a future PTA president though. :)

David said...

Ha! It's like she was Naomi Campbell and you were her maid... but there was a car window or two between you.

Maggie said...

Gee, I just hope that the acid spill didn't ruin the leather in her gold Mercedes. I had to laugh out loud at the visual of her flinging her cell phone at you. Wow, you really never have any dull moments, do you? Great post!!

Kate said...

pigfuck. will add to vocab asap.

melondonkey said...

wow, great post. it just really captures the modern south.

Melissa said...

Wow. That is all I can say.

Mad Woman said...

Oh physics is a tricky little thing isn't it? Shame the window hadn't been down. That would have been super cool!

The Dental Maven said...

Cut her some slack...she was probably pressed for time on her way to her tennis engagement or her morning Starbucks coffee clotch with her girlfriends. She's IMPORTANT!!

Michele Renee said...

When I was reading this I was thinking--wasn't she just also dropping off a child at the same place--and sure enuf you confirmed that. I'm amazed!

Coffee with Cathy said...

This reminds me that as a newspaper reporter writing about school news, the parents who were the most rude, arrogant and uncooperative were those whose schools had the words "Bible" and "Christian" in them. I'm just saying ...

Coffee with Cathy said...

And of course, as a newspaper reporter, I am now cringing as I notice the misplaced modifying phrase at the beginning of my previous post. This is why I miss having an editor!

Elle said...

Wait, hold on: In throwing the cell phone at the passenger side, she was throwing it in yr direction? So, you & your car were at the front of the line, with your left-turn signal on, and she pulled around you in a huff, flipping you her cell phone, on your left? I mean, I could see being huffy and pulling around right because of wanting to get around, but you could have been taking an opening in the road that she could not see and you would have turned right into her..

This is a case of what men call Women Driving. Someone needs to bring her in for a Come to Jesus talk on a number of levels. We can throw her into a hard chair & shine a light in her eyes. My god.

Becky said...

Exactly, Elle, you've got the picture. She couldn't get around on the right because of the curb. She pulled out to the left and drove completely around me. Maybe she thought the ostentatious honking would alert me to her presence.

And I don't know why she threw her phone--that is, I don't know if she meant to do exactly that, or if she was going to flip me off or something and just flung her phone. After I got over being ticked off, it was funny.

Michele Renee said...

Will you see here again on Friday? I mean, a gold Mercedes won't be hard to miss. I must know.

Becky said...

I might, Michele! I had never noticed her before, but now I'll have an eye out. Don't know if she'll know me or not. I am one of 80 million people driving my exact car at that school.

A Day That is Dessert said...

Wow that is quite a sad story. And really, the two schools ought to talk, and separate the starting times.

Becky said...

I think they are taking steps in that direction, Lecia. Or at least Hank's school now lets people start arriving for drop off at 9:15, but I think most people (like me) stick to the 9:30 time.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

That woman definitely has "moving bubble syndrome." Unfortunately this bubble will get blown all to hell at the next school open house. Look out, mean bubble lady!

Cassie said...

Ew. Classy broad.

I have never ever heard the expression pigfuck. It's fantastic.

Sara said...

I'm a little jealous. That's some kind of awesome crazy!
Fingers crossed that she becomes a new SM characther. Gold Mercedes Lady or somesuch.