Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Suburban Matron is One, Y'all

Today is Suburban Matron's first birthday. My blog is officially a toddler! And sleeping through the night and everything. I started this blog one lovely day last April, when some random cosmic ray struck my skull and made me think of doing it. In retrospect, it's odd that I haven't been blogging since the dawn of blogtime, 'cause Lord do I love to talk. Talkin' and sayin' words, all the livelong day, that's me. I am still surprised and totally delighted that anyone besides my blood relations reads this. Bloggy friends, I wish you were with me right now so that I could share some of my bloggy birthday cake with you. Which, let's be honest, is actually a big stack of Ritz crackers.

And because of my profound narcissism, as well as the fact that Dooce did it so it must be okay, I am doing a little round-up of some of my favorite posts from the past year. Some of these are by request, some of them probably only I like, and ONE of them is my most favoritest post I ever wrote. See if you can guess which one. It recounts an incident that, even while it was happening to me, made me think, "Thank GOD I have a blog or I would DIE." So I would call these My Greatest Hits, except even typing that makes me gag on my Ritz.

So take a little time and click around. And hey, if you read here sometimes but have never commented, maybe comment and say "Hi," so I can know who else I'm scarfing crackers for. Muchas smooches, friends!

May 2008
Summer, Day 1
I went to Target and got some products for Matt's sunburn. When I came home he was sitting shirtless in front of a box fan and making terrible, miserable noises of misery.

June 2008
In Which My True Nature is Revealed
I know there are some reasons that "gated communities" are thought of with disdain, and supposedly they have some soul-deadening properties, but right now I can't remember what they are.

June 2008
Service Call
Alisa the handywoman arrived a while ago. She had a real tool belt and a flashlight and sturdy socks on. While I was standing in the kitchen telling her about the problem, I thought, “This woman is totally checking me out. I still got it!”

July 2008
Many times, Matt has arrived at a destination with nothing in his suitcase but board games and socks that were put in to cushion the board games.

August 2008
Well, That Was Awkward
So while it wasn't super comfortable to be sharing the room with Marge, neither Mom nor I minded much. Then, while I was talking to my sister on the cell phone, Marge let out a trumpeting poot on the other side of the curtain.

September 2008
Maybe a Little Less Conversation
I had just walked up to the bus stop to find only the German au pair and this grandmother. So that you can share in how I had my very life force sapped this afternoon, here is our word-for-word dialogue.

October 2008
Four Conversations with My Neighbors
And now, she's using the skin of the bear that her dead husband shot to adorn the walls of her new husband's man cave.

November 2008
We Are Not Navy SEALs: A Thanksgiving Story
Amy got into position, and I yelled, “Go! Go! Dive!” while she rolled out the door and ran around behind the car. I took off again in a spray of gravel while Amy pulled up her hood and crouched behind a tree.

December 2008
Cracking Wise
I think it's good that we didn't pursue the gifted program last year.

December 2008
Shorties Were Sipping
The kids were checking out their goody bags, and I was picking up piles of tissue paper, when a mom got right in front of me and said, "Maybe next time, the kids could all have the same toy. Some of them are unhappy with what they got."

January 2009
I’m Going To Rock Your World. With Foil.
Turns out we’ve been totally doing it wrong.

February 2009
Neighbors at Dusk: A Play in One Act
Mindy: Well, I better get in the house, because my supper is all ready in the kitchen, and if Danica's alone with it, she might take some of it.

March 2009
Things Not To Say
I'd like to make a series of recommendations.


The Dental Maven said...

Happy One Year, Suburban Matron! And pass me some of them there crackers, wouldja?

Kelly said...

Happy Bloggy Birthday!!!!!

So glad to be following along and even sharing some of the moments in real life! =)

SJN said...

Well happy effin' birthday to you! (from "things not to say" March 2009)
I've been reading since Kelly introduced me to blogging last fall/winter.
Your fave? Gosh, I have no idea, they're all witty and funny. Maybe "four conversations" ?
I love them all, thanks for the entertainment!

Amy said...

My guess is "A Little Less Conversation"--cause I'd be sooo glad I had a blog if I'd been in your shoes!

Happy blogday!! Reading SubMat is an irreplaceable part of my routine. LYLAS, don't ever change. Mwah!

P.S. The link for our Thanksgiving SEAL mission is messed up, I think. But I'm not offended. xoxo

Bex said...

happy blog bday to you! you live in a zoo! with kids and a husband and your joke all about it too!

keep writin' - we're still readin!

Cassie said...

Happy blog birthday, friend!

I would guess "Shorties Were Sipping" as your favorite, but probably just because that's *my* favorite and I'm narcissistic like that.

Enjoy those Ritz!

Jane said...

Happy Birthday, Becky!

Veronica said...

Based on your description, I think it has to be "Shorties Were Sipping" or "A Little Less Conversation," though I also think "Service Call" could be in the running. Happy Birthday, Suburban Matron!

Jenni said...

happy blog birthday!

delaine said...

Well, I am convinced that you could write about a can of pork and beans and be entertaining. I literally laugh out loud as I read your posts( even sitting here in the Sylva library). But, my faves are "That Was Awkward" and "We're Not Navy Seals". It was fun to traipse down memory lane and reread your list. Keep'em coming,girl ! Oh, I also get a chuckle when you write about the kids.

Leslie said...

Happy Blog Day!! I just found your blog and I'm loving it. You have inspired me to get my shit in a pile and start blogging more. My blog would be 1 as well if I didn't blow it off so much. Sigh.

Great posts though - my fav was Service Call.

I'm going to link to you if that's okay :)

The Messy Mom said...

Wow, I am really looking forward to reading these since I am probably missing about 6 months of posts. I honestly thought that you have been around forever you seem so seasoned :) Happy birthday.

Stacee said...

Happy 1 year! I've been reading your posts for the past few months! I found you through Kelly.

missynall said...

Think SNL back when it was good y'all...
I MET the Suburban Matron today!!! Did my hair look ok? Was I really wearing this crazy outfit? I can't believe I had to run into her just minutes getting my brows waxed. Now I'm lookin' all red and a little crazy. An aside-I think the nail salon worker ladies really are talking about us in their own laguage. "Yes. Make her brows look too thin and like she's surprised." OK, back to the good part.... this is how it went down... I was feeling guilty that Jon and Kate plus 8 take their kids for one on one time. I have 2 kids and don't even make that happen and besides... I'm not as witchy as Kate. So, middle school son and I head out. We're at CVS (why at CVS for good mother-son time you may ask-for the Dove Vitalizer freebie deal of course) anyway... where were we. Oh yeah, middle school son and I walk in and I spot her RIGHT off. She is looking splendid, but what if I'm wrong. What if it's just an Elvis sighting? It could happen... she's THAT famous. I'm doubting myself and then I notice the kids. Of course it's her. I've read about these kids. I've seen the roller skating birthday party pics. I know that little son has just mastered pooping in the potty! THIS IS THE SUBURBAN MATRON!!! I can't believe it. I get up the courage and try to not sound like a lunatic and ask timidly, "Are you the Suburban Matron." I don't know who was more surprised? Either me at being right or her at being spotted??? She is FABULOUS Y'ALL!!! She says, "Wow. How on earth do you know it's me? It's my bloggy birthday!" I'm like, "Duh, of course I know that. I read your blog to COPE with this crazy world. Happy Bloggy Birthday!!!" There was a little crowd gathering and perhaps she needed to disappear before it got really out of hand. We quickly wished each other well. She asked for my card and I would have given this woman my credit card I just love her so much, but alas I said I'd post a comment and should have offered to head up her fan club. Who's in? THANK YOU SUBURBAN MATRON FOR ONE FANTASTIC YEAR!

leafmonster said...

As instructed, I'm saying "hi" and am therefore no longer a lurker. I love your blog and have been reading it just about since I started my hapless, worthless blog last September which I only did because my teenager challenged me. Happily, your blog is not hapless but the best!

Thanks for the bloggy cake and Happy Blog Day!

Casey said...

Happy Blogiversary! You are so much cooler than Dooce. Are the Ritz crackers the roasted vegetable ones? If so, I'm in.

Drama Queen Jenner said...

Happy Blog B-day! I just looked back and noticed my first blog's second b-day is Sunday. All the good blogs are Taurus. Ok, maybe not all of them... I don't see myself having the time to put together something like this. That must be why you make the big bucks.

Amy said...

That CVS story is crazy! On your blog-a-versary of all things. :) How fun!

Becky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Becky said...

You guys crack me up! Totally the big bucks, Jenner!

And Missy, I am still all aglow from our chance encounter! Why am I not surprised that CVS brought us together? I am SO glad that you came up and said hi. I felt just like Madonna! (Only not so bony.) And your hair looked totally great! I was just glad I had recently showered. I am thrilled to have met you and that you like the blog. I'll be hanging around the drugstore hoping to run into you again. Your profile doesn't give your email addy, so send it to me in case we need to set up a local posse sometime.

Also, thanks for letting me hug you! And I'm sorry I said "crap" in front of your child! :)

Leslie and Stacee and Leafmonster, hurray for unlurking! So glad to know you.

And y'all, my favorite post is "Well, That Was Awkward." It is just very, very vivid in my mind.

Michele Renee said...

Well, I was just going to chime in this morning and say that the post about visiting your mom in the hosp. and that roommate of hers streaking by buck naked. Seriously. I knew it was that one. I didn't write before because of reading all these and then reading more via the links. I was loving the writing. I love how you write calmly, with every word well chosen for the effect. So where's this CVS? Cause you know I hang by the Goodwill.

Anonymous said...

Happy Belated Bloggy Birthday! I'm glad to be pottering along with you (albeit a couple of days late usually) - you tell some great stories in a fantastic way.

missynall - where do I sign up!?

Veronica said...

Dude, Beck, you're like totally famous!

Sara said...

LOL! Oh man, that's good stuff. Good stuff.

But I can't pick a favorite. All of them were like 'Oh ya! I 'member that!'

Hope you put some peanut butter on those Ritz.

Christine said...

Happy Bloggy Birthday! And I would add that if you put peanut butter between two Ritz and dip that in melted chocolate, you'll be in heaven and really have cake or at least a confection!

Christine said...

Awwww, and a cute one year old your blog is! I'm still getting to know it since I just came on the scene recently...but hey, I can celebrate too!

(And can I be internally jealous of all those greatist hits? I'd settle for one.)

Ginny Marie said...

I'm a day late and a dollar short, but Happy Blog Birthday! I've enjoyed reading!

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Congrats, Becky. Your blog is one of my absolute favorites.

melondonkey said...

I think about the "what's really working?" post quite a bit. I've finally decided it's coffee and microsoft excel.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Happy Birthday Matron! I am so glad I started reading you and so so so glad I got to meet you...you are one of a kind lady!