Saturday, October 11, 2008

Three Things I Should Have Seen Coming

1) This morning Hank dumped the whole jar of goldfish food into the bathroom sink, plus some on the floor. It smells like sea monkey sex in there. How did he finally figure out how to unscrew the top? And why, six months after we buried the goldfish in the backyard, did we still have their jar of food under the bathroom sink?

2) After we came in from our walk tonight, the dog barfed on the carpet at the top of the stairs. Major barf. Then I remembered that the hour before, as I’d been standing chatting with Normal Neighbor in her backyard, I’d noticed the dog nibbling on grass. Then I had promptly forgotten, because my neighbor handed me a beer in a little koozie that had a grosgrain ribbon tied around it. I was so charmed by the koozie that I forgot the dog had an upset stomach. I think she ate some deer poop or something.

3) Like three years ago, when we lived in California, it dawned on me that lots of people I knew were getting riskier mortgage loans, and that underwriting standards at banks were slipping. Around this time, Wells Fargo told us we could “afford” to borrow a truly stupendous amount of money. I thought, “Hmm, that is whack,” and we didn't take them up on it. Then I got distracted by life, work, and childrearing, you know how it goes. And now we’re in a global financial panic. My bad, y’all! I totally should have said something.

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8 comments:

Buzzings of a Queen Bee! said...

You are hilarious! I can relate on the dog puking incident...happened to us last weekend and I am pretty sure if someone handed me a beer with a ribbon around it I would forget everything else too. Totally understandable.
Carrie

Minnesota Matron said...

Honey, do you have room for another dog? Given you're familiar with output? The Matron is looking for a home for Satan's Familiar, her new pup, who produces four times his tiny body weight in poop - in the house -- daily.

Whew on that mortgage. The 'arm' was discussed here, too. . . and got the thumbs down.

CB said...

Hahaha! You said "sea monkey sex"!

Becky said...

Getting to say "sea monkey sex" was the secret point of this post!

And thanks, Carrie, for understanding--the beer with the ribbon around it was totally adorable! Minnesota, as much as I love his name, I don't think we have room for Satan's Familiar. I've instituted a rule that we can have up to one dog at a time. Even the fish were kind of a strain. Not any more, of course.

Carrie said...

yeah, we've been offering those crazy mortgages too. it really puzzled me, especially considering how hard a time we have getting by paying a fraction of what we could have borrowed.

Lorrie Veasey said...

What is this thing called a "cozy" ? We don't have them here in the city. Does it keep the beer warm? Because usually we drink ours so fast there's no time for a change in temperature....

Becky said...

Koozie, Lorrie, koozie! I believe that's the accepted spelling, but it hasn't made it into the Oxford English Dictionary. Keeps the beer cool if you're sipping slowly. And more important, it allows you to accessorize your beverage.

Keely said...

Hm, our dog rarely pukes. I'm convinced it's because she is SO food obsessed that throwing up would be downright sacrilegious in her mind.

We were offered an obscene amount of money when we bought our house, too. To make the payments we would have all been naked, dirty, and starving. In the dark. But hey, we would have had a kickass house.