Thursday, March 14, 2013

Well I Guess The Child Has Heard One Thing I've Said

laura in backyard

This morning Laura and I sat in the car waiting for the school bus. She had cajoled me into driving her up there because it was 31 degrees, and baby might catch a chill. Anyway, so we sat together in our heated seats and I took in her outfit.

"Oh, I didn't know you ever wore those yoga pants to school," I said.

"Well," she said, "Yoga pants, a sweatshirt, and Toms, that's the thing now."

"That's the thing now?" I asked, "What about jeans and cowboy boots, is that no longer a thing?"

She assured me that jeans and cowboy boots was still also a thing.

In the rear view mirror I spied her friend Claire getting out of her family's SUV.

I said, "Wow, you're right. There's Claire wearing yoga pants, Toms, and a sweatshirt. She has a bow in her hair and is also chewing gum."

Laura said, "Her mother lets her chew gum."

I opined as how that must be nice for her. What's funny is that I don't actually FORBID GUM, but it is not part of our lives, and whenever I see Laura with gum, I say, "Where did you get that? Why don't you go spit it out?" I think it's one of the least attractive things you can do with your face.

Laura went on, "Whenever any of my friends asks me if I want gum, I say, 'Noooo.'" And here she affected a glum, hangdog look.

I said, "Yes, as I have mentioned before, you will never see Kate Middleton with gum in her mouth."

I offered that as though it closed the case. Laura sat in silent acquiescence.

I don't know why I make a thing of the things I make a thing of, I just do. There's a method to it all, somewhere.

14 comments:

Christian said...

I hope you blog about the day when you wish it was just gum.

Elizabeth said...

I love Christian's comment.

And I'm thinking about how my own mother used to tell me that wearing a little lipstick did amazing things not just for one's face but for one's overall happiness. It used to irritate the hell out of me, but now it irritates me that she was right.

I think what'll happen, though, is that when you're older, you'll say things in a more passive-aggressive way, like "Laura, don't you think your face looks a little awkward when you chew gum?"

Pam said...

I wonder if Kate does chew gum? Next time I see her I'll ask.

puncturedbicycle said...

Kate Middleton's mother was 'caught' chewing along with some other non-U stuff she supposedly did. Poshness: ur doin it rong. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11767308

melondonkey said...

Only in America can sllp-ons, a sweatshirt, and excercise pants be a thing.

Elle said...

I love a big wad of Juicy Fruit with a halter-top, driving with Tom Petty on the car radio when it's about 100 degrees, sweating all over everything, getting eyeliner bedhead at 11a.m. Love.

I don't let my kids chew it, though. Mostly because I know that if I find a wad of gum anywhere, it's over. Just over! Bye! Tell the story of how your mother stepped on 100,000,000 Lego pieces, beatifically, but one wad of chewed-up gum made her leave her family. Tell it to Joe Paterno! No one cares less than he!

Kelly said...

Thank you. I think gum is the most disgusting, unattractive thing ever. Completely and totally grosses me out.

Camp Papa said...

Also, IMHO, a lady never drinks beer from a can, nor does she let a cigarette hang from her lips.

Amy said...

Sheesh, you guys are a tough crowd! Sometimes, I store my gum on the edge of my beer can so I can smoke my cigarette. HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW??

Amy said...

Hahaha!! Loved this.

Becky said...

For rizzle

Becky said...

Oof, a great southern passive agressive mothering moment.

Life on The Rowland Ranch said...

Love.

Mary B. said...

I hate gum, not so much for how you look when you chew it (which is dumb), but mostly for where it ends up after it's served its purpose. It was one of the few things I was strict about with my three (now grown) daughters. They still rib me about it, but we'll see what they do with their own kiddos!