Monday, October 19, 2009

We've Replaced This Blog With Folger's Crystals...Let's See if Anyone Notices.

Hi, loyal SubMat readers! It is I, Amy, sister of Becky. I'm guest posting here today, cause Becky and her crew are in Boston for Matt's brother's wedding. She emailed me and was like, Yeah. I'm gonna need you to blog for me. Cause I'll be off being fabulous with my exciting life and all my travels and you'll be home in your pajamas. She may have said it differently, but whatever. Who can resist that heartfelt plea? So here I am. I don't mind keeping an eye on her place so much, cause she has better snacks and an XBox. And she's only 2 miles from Super Target, whereas I live about, oh, 8,000 miles away from one. No, really.

So then I got to thinking of what I could write about that is truly Beck-worthy. Which made me think about writing and saying memorable things. And then that got me thinking (sorry, a bit stream-of-consciousness here) about phrases or sayings that become part of our vernacular. Whether in the context of your own family, or the culture at-large.

One of the privileges of being a mom is coming up with those little jewels, those sayings that make your children roll their eyes and grumble under their breath. Our own mother was a master at this and Becky and I have been inspired to carry on the tradition with our own kids. Beck and I have always said that one day we will write a tell-all book about our growing-up life. We'll talk about our spur of the moment road trip to Graceland, and about the time that as a junior, Becky got suspended for sneaking into the Senior Class Picture. We'll really play up the time we lost a bet during Trivial Pursuit with our dad. And how the agreed-upon consequence was him walking us into the backyard on a freezing night and plunging our arms into our icy pool. There's nothing like a father's love. Especially when it can lead to hypothermia. That's all goin' in the book.

And for the title and chapter headings, we'll choose from our mom's rich variety of signature sayings. We've narrowed it down to two for the title. It'll be either If You're Bored You Can Sweep the Driveway, or You're Thirsty Because You're Talking Too Much. Let's pause and admire those for a moment. Mom, you're a true craftswoman.

I don't play at that level yet. But I find that I am already able to annoy or embarrass my children. The other day as we walked through the mall, my 5 year old Ava asked for ice cream. For various sensible, mom-ish reasons, I told her no. She said, "Tell me why." Which made me think of that Backstreet Boys song.
Remember the one? Instead of "I want it that way", I sang, "Because I said sooo." Then, as you do, I made her sing the chorus' "Tell me why?" several times while I amused myself by making up a song. And because I want to share my gift with the world, here it is:

Tell me why?
I am the mom here
Tell me why?
Let's get tha-at fact clear
Tell me why?
Ice cream is a no-go-oh-oh
Beee-cause I said so.

I am pleased to say that I achieved near-pubescent levels of eye-rollage in my daughter. But I know I've got some growing to do. Life is a journey, after all. So, please. Share with us your go-to phrases, your best stuff. Or even what your mom used with you. Because what is the Internet for, if we don't use it to help each other? It takes a village to antagonize a child.

And don't worry. Becky will be home soon, and back to serving up the blog-ariffic anecdotes, observations and neighbor stories we've all come to love.


Hootie said...

8000 miles to Super Target? What, do you live on the moon?

Michele said...

1. "Who's the boss in this house?" (appropriate response; you are, mom)

2. "Your use of vulgar language is the sign of a lack of language skills. Go get a dictionary."

FYI, I raised 2 boys, whose present day vulgarity is still bad. I blame it on their father.

Meghan said...

AmyOdom, I love you! And your clever use of pop culture. Why am I not surprised?!

The Keilers said...

Okay, not planning on repeating these to my children, but you asked:

1. "You have to suffer to be beautiful" (as she feathered my bangs for school pictures)

2. "We put the "fun" back in dysfunctional" (saw it on a Mary Englebreit card and never gave it up)

3. "Here's a quarter, call someone who cares." (as I pleaded my case as to why she should lessen my restriction time)

Becky said...

Thanks for permanently lodging that song in my brain, Ame.

And thanks for this deliciously rich-tasting post! The readers never ask for seconds at home.

So many great momisms. Don't forget, when we were acting up in the department store, "You better straighten up, or Mr. Dillards will come out here."

Becky said...

Oh, and I love your song! And thanks so much again! And for reminding me of the icy pool incident.

Amy said...

No probs, Beck!

And Hootie, this at times feels like very moon-like place. There is an approximation of Target here, but I knew Super Target. Super Target was my friend. And it, sir, is no Super Target. So, we're about 7500 miles from LA, which I figured is the closest one!

The Messy Mom said...

I have two year old so mine are

1. Leave the drama for the mama
2. You throw it you blow it (for when something is thrown out of the car seat, shopping cart etc.)
3. The only thing hurt is your feelings (when he says ow as I escort him from the scene of the temper tantrum)

Jason said...

Nice one babe!

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Nice job, sister of Becky.

My momism is "we'll put it on the list" when Mr. M asks to buy a toy. For some inexplicable reason, this satisfies him. Go figure.

Anonymous said...

The Matrons rock. You done it up proud!!

I now have "Beee-cause I sai-id so" running on track repeat in my head. I thank you, my girls thank you...

Mai said...

Nice job Amy!

I use the old 'I'll put it on the list' whenever I'm asked for toys too! She's occasionally taken to not asking me for the toy outright, but asking me to 'put it on the list'. :D

Sara said...

Yay! Excellent guest posting! Rich goodness indeed.

Icy cold pool water? I will not be sharing that with the husband bc he will think it is brilliantly hilarious. Kind of like daring the kids to eat very spicy things...

Family sayings are some of my favorite things. (I've snatched "what the hecks" from this very blog!)
We seem to go in cycles at our place, and the sayings may or may not make a lick of sense.

Lately, I've been known to say "So's your mom" or some variation thereof to anyone and everyone. So stupid, but so obnoxious.

A big dramatic "Absolutely NOT!" -beautiful in it's simplicity.

"Are you out of your tree, Sir?!"

A grandfather who used to say he'd "get you by the stack and swivel." Anybody else EVER heard of that?

"The more you cry, the less you pee."
For minor booboos: "It's too far away from your heart to kill you."

In answer to "Who cooked/baked/clean/made" something: "Mrs. Coulter" the old lady who lived next to my husband when he was a boy. Because obviously I never do any of that stuff.

OH, I could do this all day! :)

Becky--suspended? For sneaking into the senior picture? hee!! totally bad ass.

And I can't wait to use "you're thirsty because you're talking too much" I know a little girl for whom that is sooo true. so true.

Amy said...

Sara, you are good at this! "Are you out of your tree, sir?" LOVE it! Will be adding that to the repertoire for sure.

Crystal, my mom used to always say, "Beauty hurts."

You throw it you blow it is fun, too--there is a certain amount of throwing around here, as well.

And Lawyer mom and Mai: "I'll add it to the list." Crafty--I like it!

Dave said...

I remember the Mr. Dillards line! And I believed it. I pictured Mr. Dillards, in all his power, watching a bank of hidden camera feeds and swooping down on me for complaining about his store. This must be the real reason I still hate department stores.

Michele Renee said...

I'm late to the party. I loved Any's title in this post. It took me several minutes to get it but now I have a complete memory of that commercial.

delaine said...

One of my personal faves from my childhood (and I think I inflicted it on the girls) is "Pretty is as pretty does". That'll put a little miss in her place, if need be.