Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Snipes on a Plane

Last night I boarded my flight in LA to come back home from my weekend trip. As I inched back towards my seat in 999A, I saw that another lady was already seated in the row. My seat was the window, and she was in the aisle seat, so I did that semi-apologetic gesture that you do that means, "I need to get in there, please." It has a smile and a nose-crinkle accompanying it--you know the one. I think I also said, "That's me," while I pointed to my seat.

She moved her knees ever so slightly to the side. I waited, thinking she was just going to take a moment to compose herself before she pulled up out of the seat. A second passed. She said, "Ma'am, ma'am, come on!" Like I was the slowest person on earth.

I said, "Oh, I thought you were going to stand up."

And she said, "I don't have time for that." ("I don't have time for that." She didn't have time for that, y'all.)

"O-kay," I chirped brightly, as I climbed over her.

Guess who got a good faceful of my new Gap Long and Leans?

Isn't it amazing when sometimes you really feel the love that surrounds you?

Then a hipster guy got in the middle seat, serving as a buffer. Then I, the hipster, and that total bitch flew away from the setting sun, three children of the universe, each carrying our own dreams, fears, and wishes into the purple night. Also we watched Star Trek.

***

Matt met me at the airport at midnight. The kids are down in Pensacola with mom and dad, so it felt like the old days. We came home to a big empty house. We're looking forward to a few days of good work time, and to getting to go out at night without a babysitter. And night is the only time I'll be stepping out of the house, because it is hot as blazes. Hope y'all are well and that you're feeling the love.

17 comments:

Michele Renee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the gazelle said...

If you're trapped on an airplane that is not yet going anywhere, how do you not have time to stand up & let someone in? That is just weird. Seriously. Weird. I would've 'accidentally' whacked her with my purse. But I am a bitch.

Michele Renee said...

Unbelievable.
God forbid either of you non-aisle sitters had to use the restroom.
BTW, what transpired when the hipster arrived to his seat? Did she end up with an eyeful of hipster? And I am so dying to know if she was from GA or not.
Enjoy your date night!

The Dental Maven said...

Air travel ain't what it used to be.

Casey said...

I felt the love at Publix the other day when I asked the deli employee to do something that was clearly not in her job description.. make me a sub.

Kate said...

You handled yourself much more gracefully than I would have. I would have said something like, "Well, you got time for THIS" and then I would have stood there with my butt shaking in her face.

Michele said...

She doesn't have time? She's on a plane! Where is she going in a hurry?
Getting up from her seat is not going to get her back to GA., anytime sooner. Is it me or does the math escape her?

Scott said...

"I don't have time for that."

Yes, clearly there isn't enough time on a flight across the continental United States to worry with things like standing up so others may get to their seats.

Jenni said...

she didn't have time to be polite? what a b.

Amy said...

Sorry--didn't have TIME to respond earlier. ;)

That would have *seriously* ticked me off. And what a stupid thing for her to say. I mean really, what point is there in being rude in that situation? But I bet you were workin' those Gap long and leans--my fave!

Camp Papa said...

"I don't have time for that!", may become my new watch word.

Take out the garbage?
I don't have time for that.

Wave to the neighbor across the street?
I don't have time for that.

Put your pants on before answering the door?
I don't have time for that.

Elisa said...

She didn't have time to get up? What, was she afraid the plane might take off while she was standing? She was obviously stupid, not just bitchy and rude. Or she would know that being polite isn't really that time-consuming.

Glad you had a buffer ;-)

The Messy Mom said...

AHHHH! I can't believe that! I love Kate's response. Awesome.

Becky said...

Michele R, I'm afraid she was from our fair state of Georgia. Not exactly a peach though.

It does seem that air travel brings out the worst in people. But yes, Dad, at least I got a new slogan out of it.

"Honey, would you pass the salt?"
"I don't have time for that."

OMG, Michele, I was determined to not use the toilet the entire flight. I did not want to deal with Miss Busy again. So when I got off the plane, I had to hobble to the bathroom. Nice. Also, the hipster gave her the butt too. But he was a little skinny dude, and I don't think his yellow Levi cut-offs (!) made as big an impression on her face.

Sara said...

Don't you just have all the fun? (yellow Levi cut-offs?? Yellow Levi Cut-Offs?!)
One time I got a pretty similarly inexplicable "I don't have time to mess around with you people." We've been enjoying it as a catch phrase for some time now.
I guess people are just busy. :|

The Stiletto Mom said...

Doesn't have time for that??? I think you handled it much better than I would have. I would have not only given her a nice view of my backside but "accidentally" stepped on her foot and "whoops" kicked her in the shin. Funny how those mishaps can happen when you try to crawl over someone in a plane!

bsouth said...

I can't comment, I'm laughing too hard at Kate's comment.