Friday, May 29, 2009

Sandwich Crime

So you make piping hot grilled cheese for your child. With lots of butter and white American cheese, and love, on delicious whole-grained bread, but not the "weird bread with all the seeds." And this is how much gets eaten.

Hank Was Here

Can I get a witness? That's all I wanted to say. It just hurts a person's feelings, you know?

And Hank, listen buddy, stacking the dismembered crust-hunks on top of each other, beside the plate, doesn't make it look like you ate the whole thing, genius.

He wanted to "help" me make this sandwich, using his own spatula, or as he renders the word, "spatch-ee-loo-ya." So I let him. Later, after I discovered the sandwich corpse, and asked him, "Aren't you hungry?" He said, "I want to order two meals."

Oh, by all means, sir.

BTW, why YES that is an Orla Kiely for Target plate, and since you ask, it IS resting on one of the Chilewich placemats that I found at TJ Maxx the other day. Chilewich at TJ's. HOLY BARGAINOLLY Batman. Run to yours and see if they're there. The placemats were $2 each instead of the $1,159 they should cost. There, I sorta managed to make this about shopping.

23 comments:

Michele Renee said...

But where are all the crumbs???? Our table could feed a dump truck full of ants after a boy eats at our table. So cute that you cut the sandwich in 4's. I have only cut mine in 2 halves. BTW, do you eat the leftovers?

bsouth said...

Just be glad you hadn't made the bread as well. That would have been even more upsetting!

Bren said...

This is where my stance on the cutting off of crusts comes from. I understand that many moms have a deal-with-the-crust attitude and would see doing that as being subservient to the children's whims or something. But it's that wasteful inch-wide Crust Buffer Zone that made me give in.

Bren said...

He took exactly 7 bites! How funny, you can totally see the bite history there. One has 3, one has 2, and he gave the remaining two quarters a bite each. Like marking his territory.

Becky said...

Bren, I totally agree on the crust situation. With PB&J, I cut away the toxic crust, 'cause it does waste less bread. But I thought, silly me, that the grilled cheese crust would be acceptable, because it's saturated with butter, rendering it less distinct from the bread. I was wrong.

And yes, I DO eat the leftovers, but only after they've sat around a while in hopes that the child will return. And grilled cheese leftovers are like gold!

Michele said...

I like grilled cheese so much I would encourage this behavior. If I'm just eating the leavings then it is not like eating a whole sandwich, right? So many less calories that way. LOL

Amy said...

I totally eat the leftovers! Grilled cheese is the BEST. That is hilarious about "I want to order two meals." Well, yes sir, let me get right on that.

When Jason's out for the evening or out of town, sometimes I don't even bother making dinner for myself--I just eat the kids' leftovers. Ooo--that sounds a bit sad, doesn't it? It's mostly cause I'm just lazy. :)

When I am feeling particularly benevolent and mom-ish, I have been known to cut the crusts off and use a cookie cutter to make the sandwich into "fun" shapes. That's always a hit.

Amy said...

P.S. I forgot to add--only YOU would have heard of those placemats! How do you keep us with this stuff? It amazes me. You need to write a tutorial--"what to look for at bargain shops" or something.

Becky said...

Ha ha, Amy, I might just do that! I think y'all probably think all I do is shop, though, and such a post would only confirm that impression! Plus it might be really boring.

Ginny Marie said...

I've read that having your children help you prepare the food will make them eat it, since they had a hand in the "creation" of the meal. That's BS. My kids still turn up their noses. *sigh* But surely it was worth it just to hear Hank say "spatch-ee-loo-ya," wasn't it?

Casey said...

And this is why I don't cook, it's too much of a letdown. My husband tries to make grilled cheese every once in awhile and gets a similar result, I'm not sure why he even tries.

Wendy said...

Love that plate! Well, he ate more than mine did on the last grilled cheese I made which his dad SWORE that he loved. That kid loves NOTHING I make. Well, broccoli. Who has a 2 year old vegetarian anyway, except a vegetarian. Which I'm not.

I live on my kids leftovers, so actually this works for me. :)

Keely said...

Yeah, I don't cook anything for X since 3/4 of it goes to the dog. He gets raw food, or some of what I'm cooking for ME ;)

Solid said...

Hi. I generally just lurk, but I couldn't resist this one.

When I was a kid, my mom told me the crust had all the vitamins. Then, about two years ago, I figured out that was impossible. (I'm thirty-five.) I had to call Mom immediately to tell her what a liar she was!

Thanks for your wonderful writing, Becky.

The Dental Maven said...

You mean the crust is edible?

Veronica said...

I used to leave the crusts of COOKIES. What was wrong with me???

Shawna said...

Haha I am totally guilty of the grilled cheese crust avoiding. Not so much these days as an impoverished college student, but every once in a while when I'm at home and mama's making the food I indulge.

As for TJMax, LOVE finding stuff like that there!

Becky said...

V, cookies have crusts? Please don't tell Hank that! Hilarious. And Solid, the "vitamins are in the crust" is such a classic mothering moment. I say the same exact thing to my kids about apple peels. Thanks for delurking!

And Shawna, as a growing college student, you need your crusts! The crazy thing is, this same kid would eat watermelon rind if I let him. WTH? I'm constantly saying, "Just the red part, not the white part!"

Becky's future sil said...

Love the Orla Kiely plates. Very cute. I thought they looked so cute I decided to look at Target today. Our Target had the cannisters which were adorable but I don't have any more room on the counters. I don't understand the placemat thing. Just another thing that I would have to clean. No Orla Kiely plates at Target but I did find some cute cereal bowls with a frog, octupus or monkey on the bottom of the bowl. Time to donate the toddler bowls of all shapes and sizes.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Seriously, why have we all become short order cooks who get no appreciation? I'm trying to feed mine steak tonight...you should be able to hear the screams in Atlanta

Fantastic Forrest said...

Are you even sure he ate the hole in the middle? Or did that get fed to the dog?

My favorite bread is VERY seedy. It is Oregon Hazelnut. You wouldn't catch me leaving a bit on my plate.

Jenni said...

Oscar does this same thing, but he takes all the food off of his plate, and brings me the empty plate, requesting "MORE sandwich? MORE sandwich?" Dude, I can SEE your sandwich from here, and you've only taken three bites!

Sara said...

lol! This post was the best!
Bren also made me laugh bc I realized what an important part of mothering it is to have a sandwich crust stance. It's true!
It *is* hard for me to be firm about the (vitamin-filled) crusts when a part of me definitely wants to eat their (doesn't count as a whole sandwich even though I've eaten the equivalent of 2 sandwiches) rejected crusts.