Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Sexy Lumberjacking

I swear I am unable to think of any other post title.

So yesterday, in the middle of a normal, lovely afternoon, I was sitting in the office chatting with Matt and his partner Lincoln. Hank was playing outside with the foster daughters from next door, Laura was upstairs, having, I suspect, sneaked up there to watch "Cake Boss" on my laptop. The dog was somewhere lolling. Not a cloud in the sky.

Then Laura came running into the room. "You have got to see this!" she said. I figured that the dog had climbed onto a bed or barfed. Or that Laura had figured out a new way to sign her name in cursive. There is just no way to gauge the bigness of an event from Laura saying "You have got to see this."

But good grief, look.

Healthy-ish Oak Tree Fell Down

A big oak tree fell across the driveway. Laura heard it from her room. And--I get the shakes even writing this--Hank and the little girls saw it fall from where they were playing, in Conspiracy Guy's front yard, two houses over.

Who expects a tree to fall over in the middle of a calm, sunny day? This tree had a few issues, I guess, because its twin tree had to be taken down last year. That was the time that the tree dude talked me to death and then stole my nuts. And then charged me $750. But this tree was healthy, I thought, because look at it. Look how leafy it was.

As we went out in the front yard, Hank and the girls came running up to the downhill side. Y'all, I had several moments of what I think was shock, and distress, realizing that they could have just as easily been playing in our yard or walking down our driveway when the tree fell. Awful. I could not get that vision out of my head. But there they were, fine and chattering with excitement.

That top picture doesn't show it so well. This was a big ass tree.


Laura with tree, rolling eyes

Tree trunk

The trunk more or less broke off at the ground. The roots were rotten, but I never would have thought it.

Then my thought was, "Okay, we are now marooned in our house forever." Sitting in the office, I had just said, "Matt, is there any reason the kids and I can't go on up to the mountain house right now?" Then, crash, and my reaction was, "Now I can't go to the mountains!" Sometimes in an emergency, I whine.

I need not have worried. Matt borrowed a chainsaw from Conspiracy Guy. Then he and Lincoln set about cutting up the tree. I think it was a nice break from their desk work, actually. A man likes a chance to wear his steel-toed boots.

Plus, Matt + chainsaw = hot!

Matt Lumberjacks

Matt with Chainsaw

Yeah, cut it, baby!

Now the driveway is clear, so we're not trapped in our house after all. There is tree crap all over the yard, but I'm leaving town and I am guessing that problem doesn't have my name on it.

I love men.


Anonymous said...

You know, in my academic work, one thing I study is how people talk about those "this way or that," "if I had just gone the other way" moments. GAAAAAHHH, how I hate it when it happens in real life, though.

Glad all is okay and that you guys own steel-toe boots and a chainsaw. At our house that would have meant weeping and googling a tree guy.

gretchen said...

Good God, y'all! That's one big ass tree to be falling in the yard! Sheesh. I can't help but realize that if this were my household, I would be the one forced to borrow a chainsaw from our neighbor (who I truly could call Conspiracy Guy too) and cut the damned tree up. Either that or flirting with the neighbor until he did it for me. Jimmy's pretty...useless that way.

OOo, interestingly my word verification word is "pines". It's a tree theme.

Jenni said...

What, no safety goggles or work gloves? I'm shocked.

We had about half a tree snap off in our yard severals weeks ago. It was huge and we didn't even hear it fall. I'm now inspired to post photos. I took all these photos with Oscar standing beside it for scale.

CrazyLovesCompany said...

Most men are pretty handy to have around, lucky you! I know what you mean about thinking about the girls playing........ Glad you're doing so well!

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, I love my husband + chainsaw, too. HOT. The view's a good enough trade-off for the mountains, no?

Michele said...

Is Husband + deadly equipment = hot the same as Wife + kitchen = hot? Because I can't seem to work in the kitchen without JR getting all grabby. And when that bad boy gets out there with the mower I'm the same way. We could do a psychological non-quantitative study.

A Day That is Dessert said...

Your husband is a stud :)

Sjn said...

Men do love a good power tool, especially a chain saw... ahhh, feelin' the power in their hands!
Did Lincoln get a turn too?
My fave gas powered device is a power washer. I just love the cleansing power of all that pressure!

Amy said...

Oh man, I can't wait to hear about the Google traffic you get from that title!

Wow, what a crazy thing to happen--just out of nowhere! Thank God that Hank and the girls weren't right there when it happened. That would've totally freaked me out, too.

And Matt is the MAN. But of course, we all knew that.

Ash said...

You just gave me something to hold dear about living in Dallas - no worries about this happening across my driveway.


I still miss "real" trees.

Glad all's well that ends well. And that you at least got some husband porn out of the mess.

Hootie said...

Thanks for setting the bar way up there where only you can reach it, Matt. In other news, I'm in a musical singing a song entitled "Keep It Gay." Top that, stud.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Men. Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em.


I meant: "Men. Can't live with 'em, can't chain-sawing live without 'em."

(Sorry. I'm in my "Confucius Say" channeling mode. Advance thanks for your indulgence).

Michele R said...

Maybe the CG will now declare your house as unfit for his children--being dangerous on the outside as well as the inside (the video game-playing). : )
So glad it all ended well.

Common Household Mom said...

Wow! That's pretty scary. I recently became acquainted with the weed whacker, but I am not going anywhere near the chainsaw. That's for the he-man. I'm glad you have one.

Does your neighborhood need a visit from a tree disease specialist (if there is such a thing) to predict which tree will fall down next? I'm just thinking of the kids. So glad they weren't in the path of that big honkin' tree.

Keely said...

Eeeeeeeeeek. That IS scary. I have a few of those moments that I keep in a holding cell in my head, and I only let them out when I'm feeling like I need to scare myself.

Mmmm, lumberjacks.

The Messy Mom said...

Yea Men! I couldn't agree more with how helpful they can be in times of crisis like that. I also LOVE to see my husband doing manual labor. My desktop photo is of him all greasy with a welding mask.

Michele has a good point.

Sara said...

Well, that's some excitement. By the looks of the bottom of that tree, it's surprising that it stood as long as it did. Crazy stuff!

Matt looks like a natural wielding the saw. Goodness knows Mark can't say enough how he loves to 'sink his saw into some cherry.' Ew, I knew he was saying it to annoy me, but I never typed it out before...sorry 'bout that!