Saturday, May 22, 2010

Now She Just Needs To Attend 9 More Parties There

This morning I drove Laura to a bowling birthday party that started at 10:45 sharp. It was at the bowling alley where Matt and I spent an enchanted evening a few months back. When I was last there, I was drinking some quantity of beer, which may be why I barely recognized the place when I walked in today. I was like, "They have bumper cars in here?"

On the way, Laura had asked to be briefed. "So what's the deal with bowling?" she said. I said, "You've never bowled before?" "Only on Wii," she said. So I gave her the gist of ball, lane, pins, two throws a turn. She said, "How do you get your ball back?"

I thought that was so adorable somehow. My answer: "I don't exactly know. A machine does it but I think it used to be people." I am so awesome at explaining stuff--I can't wait until we get to talk about menstruation.

I did tell her how she could lean her face over the little air blower thing and pretend to be a super model.

Then we got into the bowling area and greeted the party folks. I said, "Okay, Laura, go on up to that counter and get your shoes." She goes, "Wait, what?"

THEN my former co-room mom Jan was there (she completes me!) and she was in a heated discussion with the shoe counter man. Or heated for a bowling alley before eleven in the morning. It seems that her little girl had forgotten to wear socks, and now the man was telling her she couldn't bowl unless she purchased socks from their vending machine, for $3.50. That is like a mugging. She had no cash so I handed her four dollars, and she offered to drive Laura home when the party was over. Supah sweet deal!

An hour after the party was over, Laura called me on Jan's cell phone and said that they would be late coming home because Jan was parked on the side of the road trying to coax a stray dog into her minivan.

For a party favor, Laura brought home a full-sized regulation bowling pin with her name on it. No joke. Not a toy, not a pin-shaped coin bank. That thing is solid wood and heavy as hell. Matt and I were laughing about it and wondering what those things cost, and he briefly tried to price it using the internet. Turns out, it is kind of hard to purchase a single bowling pin.

Oh, and Jan was unsuccessful with the dog and Animal Control was apparently closed, so she left it with a bowl of water and several energy bars. If I know her, she went back for another try. So not to worry.


Amy said...

Lord, my love for Jan stories never fades. Who else would do that? That woman is priceless. Priceless!

I forgot about the supermodel trick. Love it!

More Jan More Jan More Jan!

Amy said...

OK, I just got the title. You funny thing! (I am a little dumb, too.)

Becky said...

Okay I just edited the title because there are ten pins, not 12 as I thought.

Again, I am awesome at the game of knowing things and being right.

Camp Papa said...

I don't get the title thing. Were you explaining bowling as a game in which there are twelve pins? What am I missing?

"Energy bars"??? Really?

Camp Papa said...

Okay, just ignore my previous comment, except for the energy bars part.

Jenni said...

Aww, Jan! How I've missed her antics.

And you are awesome about explaining stuff. I love it.

Mad Woman said...

Oh I love the Jan stories.

A bowling pin party favour? That's AWESOME!!!

Frau said...

Too funny! Awesome party makes bubbles and gum seem cheap! Have a great Sunday!

Amy said...

Oh, I've *missed* Jan! I echo Amy #1: Priceless.

And my dad still sets me straight on facts too. :)

Michele said...

I'd love to win a bowling pin. I have just the place for it in my house.

You really can beat Jan for a good story.

delaine said...

Oh, how funny! I am tickled at the thought that you were giving Laura the rundown on bowling on the way to the party. Sounds like a fun time. Maybe family bowling would be a good hobby for you guys.Now that Jan...priceless!

Michele R said...

My first born would have asked about the details of something he had never done for two weeks straight the minute the invite came to the door. And then worried about it.
We used to "bowl in the New Year" on 1/1 as a family tradition.
So are you gonna go over the menstruation in 4th grade?

Hootie said...

Right now the lone bowling pin is cute... a kitschy bit of fluff that adorns some corner. But let me tell you a TRUE STORY about what lengths you will go through to lose that accursed pin.

When we moved into the house in P'cola, after a few months of living there, we discovered the SECRET ROOM UNDER THE STAIRS. It was accessible only through the pantry, after removing the canned goods and shelving. Inside the secret room? TWO BOWLING PINS. My mom has long since sealed up that room, but as far as I know it still contains the bowling pins.

David said...

This post just made my day! Love it. And I agree: that's an awesome but strange party favor.

Hootie's comment is pretty fascinating. Sounds like the outline of a rough draft Poe thought better of. "The Tell-Tale Pins"? "The Messieurs Pin and Pin"? I'd read it!

Keely said...

Energy bars? Shine on, Jan, you crazy diamond.

I can't believe they gave her a real pin. What on earth will you do with it?

Becky said...

That pin needs to go up to Laura's room. It keeps appearing in surprising places, like the chair I'm about to sit in.

My Kids' Mom said...

We have a neon orange bowling pin with all the party friends' signatures in Sharpie...and keep it with sports trophies. I thought it was a fun souvenir of a birthday, actually.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

That's one hell of a party favor. When I was in high school, the boys tried to lift the shoes -- cool digs for our "whacky outfit" day.

I miss Jan. More Jan stories, please!

Kim Tracy Prince said...

this will help you explain shit to your kids