Friday, May 21, 2010

Bells and Whistles, and Dumb

This morning I had an early-ish appointment to have my blood checked. I had slept poorly--or really I stayed up too late watching the news about the BP scrooge-up and then I started reading Year of Wonders in bed. Do you know this book? It's about a young woman in a rural village of England in 1666. Yeah, great year. Everyone has told me how good this book is. So I got a ways into it and then I texted my sister:
Hey is anything going to happen in this book but a lot of people dying of the plague and also some children die?
She said:
Yeah that's pretty much it. Few twists but yeah. ;)
I don't know if she was winking at the plague or death in general or what. But I told her:
I don't think I can read this right now. I'll put it aside and reread The Road. Ha!
The "ha" was designed to signal that I was being mordant. You can't leave things open to interpretation when texting, you know. Then I told her I shouldn't be awake and that I would let her go, and she told me that she had been texting me while on the elliptical trainer. We agreed that should probably be illegal.

Then I tried to go to sleep and failed until very late/early. So when I got in the car to go to my doctor's appointment, I was tired. Also it was raining and I was worried about getting Codi wet. I don't know what the moisture might do to her. Do you remember Gremlins?

I started the minivan and as I rolled down the driveway, it began making a gentle chiming noise. The dashboard indicator said that there was a door open. This car has power everything and one of the sliding doors has been acting up, so I thought it might be ajar. I put it in park, used the button to open both sliding doors, and then closed them again. I also gave my door a little slam, but there was still the dashboard light and the chiming.

"Oh well," I thought. "The doors are obviously closed. This is a dumb wiring problem, or something with the door sensor, but maybe the chiming will stop after a minute." I rolled into the street.

"Beep beep beep!" Oh that was kind of annoying, but I was undeterred. I plugged in my iPhone and turned up the music. "BEEP BEEP BEEP."

I thought, "Am I really going to make this fifteen minute drive with this noise? I guess so." As I accelerated out of my neighborhood, the noise was like "OMG BONG BONG BONG!" And I felt defiant. I was like, "Yeah, I know you think the door is open, dumbass! BUT IT'S NOT."

I was not, perhaps, operating at the peak of my faculties.

After a few minutes I became numb to the bonging, which by that time was like, "HOLY CRAP BONG BONG BOOP what is she doing STOP HER OR I WILL SAY BONG AGAIN!" But there were certain songs that were almost the same pitch as the bonging so I didn't notice as much.

Or actually on some level I did notice and it was the most jangling sensory experience I have had in recent memory. Just awful, the bonging. And my angry defiance of the bonging. I think I was a tiny bit crazy.

At length, I pulled into a parking place at the doc's and scampered through the rain. I had my blood drawn and earned an A+ in blood. Then I steeled myself to go back out and face the bonging. I thought, "Okay, I am going to get to the bottom of this sliding door situation if I have to rewire the car right this minute. I will do like on Star Trek and remodulate the sensors or something."

Then, as I walked toward my parking place, I could see that the front passenger door was basically open. The door was about an inch from being flush with the side of the car.

So that could have been the problem. That right there. And I stepped in a puddle as I was closing the door. Who wears thong sandals on a rainy day? I do.

Then, in the driver's seat, the no-bonging silence was so nice. But it was also kind of a smug silence.

Sometimes I am dumb. But I do wish you a happy Friday. xoxo-B


Kori said...

Oh I hate those smug silences. It makes me want to kick the car, really.

And I didn't comment on the last post that Codi is beautiful.

gretchen said...

Let's just blame Codi.

Kelly said...

Oh B. I just love you and how you write about life! How did Codi do in the rain?

Becky said...

Codi was fine--I finally remembered that she's shampooable so no worries. She's a low maintenance gal.

Julie at ModernDayMiddleAge said...

You're not alone. I often feel controlled by my car ... all that dinging and dashboard lights and oil change nonsense. Good for you ... you fought the good fight!

Congrats on the A+ blood ... now go take a nap!

Jenni said...

That stuff happens to me on good days.

Bren said...

So how does one get an A+ in your kind of blood test? I always fail mine, as I never have enough iron, but I have a feeling you weren't taking the kind of test to determine if they could have some of it to give out.

Suburban Correspondent said...

I am familiar with that bonging sound. I don't know how you managed to drive with it going.

Amy said...

Of *course* I was winking at the plague. The Black Death is a laff riot!

Hilarious about the passenger door. Our car dings all the time for various reasons...drives me nuts! I usually talk back: "I KNOW I haven't buckled my seat belt, I'm just driving ten feet--chill!" I find it's very constructive to do that.

Becky said...

Nap accomplished!

Bren, the blood test happens at the midpoint of each chemo cycle to make sure my white count is not tanking. It shouldn't, and it hasn't, because the day after the treatment I go in and get a single shot that stimulates my bone marrow. That shot costs thousands of dollars! I think it's worth it. So white count and all the rest is good, whew.

Mad Woman said...

My car bonged at me for a whole 45 minute drive and I did the same thing as you...drowned it out with music. Turns out my trunk was open. Doh.

So do you know how Codi survives in the rain?

A Day That is Dessert said...

I am so with you about the depressing books. It was during chemo that I mostly stopped reading them - I just don't take that stuff in. I have skipped bookclub books and meetings because of it.

I hope you're able to get some sleep this weekend - do you think it was the decadron? You could ask your doctor for something to help you sleep.

M said...

I take Amy's approach by screaming at cars that try to pretend they have a higher IQ than me. One van repeatedly stated, "the door is a jar." Lots of existential debates ensued.

Then again my battery died once because I didn't "hear" the eardrum-shattering ding that was supposed to remind me to turn the lights off back in the day. I find my relationship with machines tenuous at best.

Flat Rock Creek Notebook

The Stiletto Mom said...

Yes, well if you are dumb, I'm really dumb. I've been driving around with an indicator that the balloon thingy that would save me if my bad driving habits were to ever get me in trouble is malfunctioning. It doesn't beep though so I can ignore it though I'm sure it would feel fairly smug if my face were to make contact with the steering wheel instead of a cushy pillow. Might want to take care of that!

Happy weekend Becky!

Sara said...

Glad you passed your blood test and that Codi had no unpleasant transformations.

My car insists "low fuel level" all the time. I don't even hear the dinging anymore.

However...the 45 minute drive to the softball game with loose bottles of Orange Crush in the back? I was literally pissed off at the bottles for making so much racket, telling them to knock it off already. Like, every single stinking time they made noise, cussing at the bottles. So, is that crazy?

Also wearing flip flops today in the rain. Duh!! Why do I gotta do it?

Keely said...

Aw, I was kinda hoping for gremlins. At least it would have distracted from the bonging.

Beth said...

Clearly, I have too much in my bag, which I always put in the front passenger seat, and then my car INSISTS that it's a person and gets really, really mad when I don't buckle my MacBook in. It also thinks the dog is a person, but I suppose that's understandable since he weighs about the same as my 6 year old. But good grief, the BINGING. Mine's more of a "bing." First it's slow, and then it gets all hyper and fast and THANK GOODNESS then it stops.

I totally read Year of Wonders and loved it, but you are right, it's a super downer. Have you tried anything by AJ Jacobs? Non fiction, but I find him hilarious. Try The Know-It-All, where he reads the Encyclopedia Britannica. It's really funny.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

My car makes noises when absolutely nothing is wrong. And it is completely silent when something is amiss. For the false pings and bongs, I turn it off and then start it again. That usually does the trick.

Codi sounds amazing. How does she handle humidity?

Crystal Keilers said...

So hilarious. I always tell Amy that she needs to write a book, but I think you need to write one together. Seriously, you two could become independently wealthy before your kids graduate high school. You two could author a mean book.