Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Back in Business

The business of having two boobs, that is. (Alert, if you have any discomfort with the word "nipple," you might want to read a different blog today.)

How are y'all? I'm doing really well.  Yesterday was the first time since my surgery on Wednesday that I felt like my normal energetic self. I spent my last convalescence credit last night, to get out of washing actual shit off the dog. (I'm sure that Matt would chime in here and explain that there is no way I would be doing that job even if I were at peak fitness but whatever.) And my mom and dad left my house this morning, so I guess I am returning to duty.

I wasn't too, too nervous on Wednesday morning, and seeing Dr. Hottie in the pre-op room put me at ease. She drew all over me with a marker, and we were asking her how she would do the nipple reconstruction, and she was like, "Well, I've got a few ideas, we'll see when we get in there, there's lots of ways to make a nipple."  Matt said, "Really? Because I would have thought there was maybe one or two." Then we laughed. What do we know?

But she was as good as her word.  It looks amazing. That woman is some kind of wizard.

I mean, I thought that the nipple would look like something. I thought the goal would be to fashion some little origami thing that would be in the right place and would be basically 3D, but that wouldn't really look all that great. But she made a nipple-looking nipple. I still don't totally understand how she did it. I know that she used some of the scar that was there from my surgery last year. And pixie dust? I don't know, there was some major skill involved.

I guess that with state-of-the-art plastic surgery, you can have a nipple just anywhere you want. So keep that in mind.

I woke up in the recovery room in the biggest most industrial-strength sports bra you have ever seen. There's a little tag inside that says it's the "Sweetheart" model. Yeah, right. This is a bra you speak to with "Yes Ma'am" and "No Ma'am." They told me I had to wear it all the time for two weeks, except when showering or washing it.  It looks like something from the Soviet People's Number 1 Unmentionables Factory, circa 1960. It is a serious thing. I have pretty much gotten used to it, except you know that moment at night when you would normally take your bra off? Not taking it off is kind of a bummer.

And I have a thing that's like a little nipple cozy to wear for two weeks.

Lots of pleasant mental pictures for you guys.

So I woke up wearing Madam Bra and I really didn't have much pain.  I took the meds they gave me for a couple of days, but I haven't needed them since. I'm still supposed to stay away from strenuous exercise while it heals, but I'm at least upright all day and not needing a nap every afternoon. The human body is amazing.

Also amazing are my parents, who came last Tuesday and ran the household until this morning. Matt and I slept in like teenagers every day, while they got Laura to her bus stop in the morning, then fed and dressed Hank and got him to school. They also cooked and cleaned, and kept me company while we watched the South get ravaged by tornadoes that scary night, then the fancy wedding, then the news about Bin Laden. What times we live in.

And Laura had a swim meet, and we half-raised our neighbor girls, and Matt's company added a new employee and there are four guys working in what used to be my guest room, and, as mentioned above, the dog rolled in something bad, really bad. It was a full week.

Thank you for your prayers, hugs, and good wishes. I hope you are all in the pink.


Aimee said...

Yay! So glad you're all nipply again.

Okay, add that to Sentences I Never Thought I'd Say.

Anywho, congrats on such a good recovery, and GO parents! Support like that makes all the difference in the world.

Cassie said...

I'm so glad everything went well and you're on the upswing. New nipple and all. Sending thoughts and prayers for continued speedy recovery and less cleaning up shit. Just, like, in general.

PS: Ocean calls nipples 'dimples' and Iris calls them 'nibbles'. And they argue about who's right. And I don't correct either of them because it's sooo funny.


Becky said...

That is awesome, Cassie! I can see the logic behind both of their opinions!

Kelly said...

How are you dealing with all these boys in your house? Sounds like it's getting a little crowded!

Anonymous said...

I love that your love your new nip.

Let us not dwell on the kinky possibilities of the Soviet-era lingerie. My brain shouldn't go such places, not with a toddler in the room.

My Kids' Mom said...

Between you and Dooce today, I've had enough laughing to draw a crowd!

Overheard from the bathtub a few years ago (2 boys, probably 4&7 at the time) "No, dude, those are nipples. You have both knuckles AND nipples." "Knuckles AND nipples? Cool!"

Becky said...

Yay! Knuckles AND nipples!

Oh Perpetua, you are right, this style of garment has its fans.

Kelly, I'm enjoying them, really! They're pretty out of the way, but I like chatting when they come in.

Michele said...

Sounds like a 'take no prisoners' bra but if it keeps the girl(s) up where they are supposed to be then that's okay. In fact, at my age I might need that...when your done with it of course.

When the boys start to smell like the dog it's time to get them a bigger space. Trust me on this, I raised a bunch of geeks and sometimes they forget the niceties.

Jane said...

So glad things went great, and that you're feeling good!

Common Household Mom said...

I'm very glad to hear that the surgery went well and that you are recovering. I loved the part about the Soviet Bra!

I have to say that in your 'You Might Also Like' category at the end of your post, it had "Around the House: How to Make a Feather Wreath" and a picture of said wreath. Which I hope your new nipple does NOT look like. But it sort of had the same shape, so it jumped out at me. Figuratively speaking.

Is one allowed to ask what the nipple is made out of - skin, or plastic, or previously owned pantyhose? No, one probably isn't allowed to ask. One should just keep quiet.

Becky said...

Oh yes, it's made of skin! She took part of my existing scar and made a skin graft of it. It's just that, looking at it, I still don't see how it was possible.

Star said...

So glad everything went well! All the best! (Another great post...how DO you do it?!)

Elizabeth said...

Wow. That's something. And I'm glad to hear that you're on the way to full recovery. Maybe you can bronze the bra when you're all done?

Becky said...

I think the amount of bronze it would require would be cost-prohibitive!

puncturedbicycle said...

Congrats - two nipples good!

Jenni said...

Three cheers for two nipples!

Glad your feeling well, xo.

Christian said...

Once you're no longer wearing Ma'am, I'd love to see pictures of this bra.

Becky said...

I could ask her permission to take a picture.

Caitlin said...

Congrats, sounds like it went supremely well!

AM said...

When you're done with it, could we see a picture of the nipple cozy? Just curious.

gretchen said...

Ooo, I'm sort of dying to see your new nipple, but I guess that would be inappropriate. Hmmm. Well I am delighted that you're all fixed up, and feeling well. You're so lucky to have your parents. And Matt. And...well, you're just pretty lucky in general. And you deserve all the luck in the world.

And that thing about the ability to create a nipple pretty much anywhere? Frightening and exciting at the same time.

Suburban Princess said...

I hope your recovery is going well!

Rebekah said...

I"m guessing the nipple cozy to be like a mini nursing pad - am I correct? Glad to hear you are feeling more like you're awesome self again. Don't over do it though; I think you could get some quality naps and book reading time in the next few weeks, right?

Amy said...

This reminds me of a time in college when we discussed if, for a million dollars, you'd be willing to have an extra pinky finger attached to your armpit, that would wiggle whenever you raised your arm. With all this nipple creation technology, I BET IT'S TOTALLY DOABLE. This changes everything.

So glad it went well! Xo

Nipple. Nipple nipple nipple.

Juliet Grossman said...

Hope your dog gets nice and cleaned up. I have a lazy woman's emergency dog cleaning tip for you. This is for those times when it's 2 a.m. and you just realized your dog smells like something horrible.

(We discovered it when one of the kids was sick in the night, and instead of cleaning the messy sheets, I rolled them up and threw them away, then the dog got into the trash....lovely, no?)

Baking soda! It really does absorb odors. I dumped a bunch over the smelly parts then rubbed it in, then brushed it out. It does leave little white powdery spots like your dog might have a coke habit, but it works.

Cheers and congrats on the nipple.