Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Wigs from behind the Iron Curtain

Last spring and summer when I was bald, my Hungarian cleaning lady, Fabienne, arrived one day with a giant shopping bag full of wigs. I did already have a wig--remember Codi?--but Fabienne thought I might like a little variety.

The wigs, she said, had been her mother's. Her mother is not dead or anything, she's just living in Richmond. I'm not sure why Fabienne has the wigs. I took them and thanked her. Later I realized that none of them would work. I stashed the shopping bag in a closet. Then last week, Fabienne texted me:
Hey Becky I got a haircut that's waaaay too short, do you have those wigs?
Realizing they were about to be out of my life forever, I raced to the mirror to photograph them. So I could show you.  Because that's how I think of our relationship: we show each other weird wigs.

If you are not at work, please do yourself a favor and play this video as you scroll down. It is the necessary soundtrack to these Eastern bloc beauties. You will not be sorry.




wig 1
Okay, this one is kind of cute.

wig 2
Sadly, this one is the closest to how my actual hair looks now.

wig 3
Oh my. Paul Giamatti as John Adams!

wig 4
I kind of like this darker color. Kind of Lisbeth Salander?

wig 4 again
This was supposed to be a sexy pout. Obviously I have no idea how to look sexy. Matt is a lucky man.

wig 5
How would we describe THIS choice specimen? Need help.

mother daughter wigs
Laura helping out.
By this time, Hank was upset at all my metamorphoses and was begging me to stop putting on wigs, and I bet you feel the same.

So then Fabienne came right over and showed me her too-short haircut, which was not too short at all and was very cute.  She told me she was going to a dinner party the next night where there would be a man she was interested in, so she wanted to wear the little dark wig.  I tried, as strongly as I could, to persuade her that her actual hair would look better than the wig. Then she came to clean on Friday and told me that she'd been wearing the wig for days. Trololololo!

This post is in honor of the fact that Tuesday afternoon I am getting a haircut. A HAIRCUT, PEOPLE.  This is a milestone.  I do want it to grow a lot longer, but my hair girl assures me that it would benefit from a little shaping and will grow out from there. You can bet you'll hear more about this.

31 comments:

janimal said...

That was the perfect soundtrack. You may have a second career ahead as a sound director.
Thanks for taking those pics - funny stuff!

This post reminded me of my grandmother and her many many wigs. Course, she had blue ones, and pink ones, which looked lovely with the sequinned tops she wore everywhere.

Amy said...

Wow. You know, a wig collection like that takes YEARS to build. You know me and Halloween: oh, the costumes I could have built around any one of those babies!!

Thanks for sharing the Eastern Bloc love...

mmeperpetua said...

I cannot believe how right you were about playing the song during the hair show. Joy.

Also, the one with the (built-in?) headband made you look vintage-inspired, so if you have any aspirations to joining the hipster-y "A sugar bowl that say sugar! FAB!" culture that's going on these days, you are set to go.

Reading Rosie said...

I love it! Made my day :)

Char said...

ha! for years we begged our mom to cut her hair as it was higher than snooki's bump, then when she was sick and lost her hair, we found a wig that looked like the cut we wanted for her. she finally got the right cut. we gave the wig back to the cancer society so someone else could perhaps use it.

The Stiletto Mom said...

Hank just might need therapy after witnessing that parade of hair. :)

Jenni said...

Oh, Becky. Becky, Becky, Becky. I'm am nearly breathless with laughter.

That first wig looks a little like my current do (which needs a cut.)

That last one is Rosie the Riveter chic. Like 1950s working woman!

David said...

I'm not sure I have this kind of authority, but I hereby dub you today's Queen of the Internets! That was amazing.

Camp Papa said...

The one with the built in bandage needs a t- shirt that says "I Survived the Spanish Civil War".

Elizabeth - Flourish in Progress said...

I just came by to read more of your great writing and I got a little show too. Pure excellence.

How, um, kind of Fabienne to pass along such a, um, fabulous collection!!

Elizabeth said...

thank you for morning hilarity -- the music, the wigs, your commentary -- priceless --

Fran said...

WOW! I go away for a few days and come back to THE best post EVER. Now THAT was funny stuff! Thanks for the laughs.

gretchen said...

You have just totally made it worth getting up this morning. Where. Did. You. Find. That. Video? I love him. And I love these wigs. Though I understand why Hank may have become frightened. And I think that third one is on backwards. Can't wait to see the new haircut!

Whalin H said...

That video is a thing of beauty, audio and visual. Daaaamn. Wigs? Ahhhmazing.

Megan said...

I am howling over that video! I agree with Gretchen... where?? how?? That man looks way to happy about singing "lolololololo." I like the long note near the middle where he spins around like he's showing off the wacky wallpaper.

Your dad is spot on about bandage-head wig.

Megan said...

... way *too* happy...

Oh, and I also like the "lalala" reprimand section of the video. Very intense. I felt guilty just watching him shake his finger at me...

Amy said...

Omg, so much better with the music!! HOW did you know? I'm gonna be singing that all day now. That guy's face!! I am dying.

My favorite wig is the Paul Giamatti one--it made me snort. Please, if I paid you cash money, could you get it back from her and wear it for a day or two? Please? I feel strongly about this.

Yay for your hair! Can't wait to hear an an update.

Becky said...

I know, that guy!

!!!

He was going around the Internet last year. I just needed the perfect time to show you.

If we had known this was going on in the Soviet Union, I think we would have had a lot less cold war stress.

Becky said...

Oh, and the part I lovehate the most is when he does the "ha ha ha" laughing towards the end.

Kelly said...

I can't wait to see the hair cut! I think it looks great right now though ;)

Bonnie said...

yes, but which wig is HE wearing?

Kate said...

thanks for a peek at your multiple personalities! I haven't asked my Dad what he wants to do with my mother's wigs. They were pretty fancy. not really eastern block!

Amy said...

I KEEP COMING BACK TO WATCH THE VIDEO. I can't stop. What is the secret of his glee?

Cassie said...

Oh man, I'm SO glad you added the soundtrack to that masterpiece! Brilliant.

Can't wait to hear about the haircut!

Beth said...

Oh. My. GAWD. The hilarity. I love Camp Papa's description of the "bandage" one.

That video has had a lot of fun parodies, too. Have you seen this? Trololo Cat? I kind of love that one.

KathyS said...

The man. He scares me. I think he's threatening me in Russian, or perhaps it's just his hair that's threatening me ...

jo said...

Excuse me...I have to say it..I'm WIGGING OUT!!!!

Hilarious

Suburban Princess said...

I love it! You seem to be surrounded by characters!

Kristen said...

First let me say I have not stopped laughing yet. In fact I still have the song playing in a separate window.

I must say the one thought that keeps popping into my head is that these are all head shots for the Eastern European Womens Olympic Wrestling Team. I proclaim that the one with the headbad is the team captain. I can see her psyching up the team to "Go For The Gold, or you won't be coming home"

Dave said...

This is one of my favorite posts ever. Awesome soundtrack.

Gwen said...

One of my favorite songs. This post made me laugh so hard I cried. So so funny, thank you for making my night!!!