Monday, March 29, 2010

Tomorrow

My surgery is finally tomorrow, Tuesday, at 1:00. I don't like it when I no longer have a time buffer between me and unpleasant events. Like, all weekend I thought, "Oh, it's three more wake-ups," or two more wake-ups. I think the guys in Platoon counted that way? I'll spend the night in the hospital tomorrow night and hopefully come home sometime Wednesday.

Actually I want it to happen and be over. I am so worn out from worrying about it, dreading it, being distracted from it, being reconciled to it, thinking and not thinking about it, and just plain waiting for it. Just get off my horizon and happen already.

I never did tell y'all about my meeting with the plastic surgeon, a friendly lady who seems very good. She's well thought-of by everybody I've talked to, anyway. So I didn't realize that they wouldn't put an implant in right at the same time as the mastectomy. I thought that's what "mastectomy with reconstruction" meant. Like, all the doctors would stand around and say, "Gentlemen, we can rebuild her." Or "Ladies," in this case, 'cause it's a hen party up in that OR. What they actually do is put something called an expander in, which is like an implant that can be filled with saline little by little. I still don't totally understand why they can't go right to implant because it's not like I'm trying to recreate a D cup here, but she said they almost never do that. They swap in the implant in a whole 'nother surgery down the road somewhere. So, okay. I complained to Matt, "It's just that I keep finding out this is going to take longer than I thought."

Also in the plastic surgeon's office, a nurse who is also that surgeon's patient showed me her reconstruction. She sent Matt out of the room and talked to me, then she showed me her boobs. I thought, "Wow, I'm getting a lot for that $35 copay!" She was a sweetheart, truly, and she looked good too.

Another nice thing about the plastic surgeon's office was that her robes are fluffy terry. Again with the almost-but-not-quite spa experience.

Then they took some of the least flattering photos of me that have ever been taken. The lighting was just impossible.

So now I know basically what's going to happen in there tomorrow, and I just have to go and do it. Somebody around these parts, if not me, will update you guys. I know that you guys are reading and hanging in with me and wishing me well. Even if we haven't met, your love and caring is as real to me as if you lived next door. So thank you for that. I will see you on the flip side!

43 comments:

missynall said...

I was JUST praying for you and wondering (as often happens when I'm praying-I'm easily distracted), "I wonder when Becky's surgery is going to be?" So I popped up to check your blog and WOW! it's TOMORROW! Well, back to prayers for you! We're thinking of you and wishing you the very, very best.

Jeannie DeSena said...

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I am praying for your successful surgery, comfort and healing.

Mental Momma said...

Little prayers going up everywhere!

Jenni said...

Becky, you are in my heart and thoughts. Best of luck tomorrow.

Ginny Marie said...

After my mastectomy, I read about a woman who wore lipstick to her mastectomy, and I was like, Damn! Why didn't I do that?

So pack lipstick or some sexy lip gloss in that overnight bag, and also a button-down shirt. You won't be able to lift your arm over your head after the surgery. Maybe that awesome LOL shirt you were showing off the other day??

It's hard not to get discouraged. When my chemo was almost over, my oncologist recommended that I take Tamoxifen for 5 years. I thought I was done with all my treatments! He told me that he didn't want to overwhelm me at the beginning, so he did have my best interests at heart.

I'm praying for you! ~Ginny

Wifey said...

I guess you never know how many stalkers genuinely care about you until times like this. Husband (Solid) and I are both thinking of you and praying that it goes well. So sorry that you have to go through this.

Common Household Mom said...

I spent all day thinking that today was March 30th so I have advance prayed you through tomorrow.

Flat Rock Creek Notebook: Memoirs of the Here and Now said...

Good thoughts and lots of prayers heading to you from the heartland, starting now!

PS This flatlander officially declares your mountain view breathtakingly gorgeous.

Mary

Veronica said...

Seamus says, "Ooooohhhhh, eeeeeeeee," which I think means "Get well soon Becky!" We are thinking of you; can't wait for it to be tomorrow night so this part'll be over. xoxo

jillbert said...

You have your wonderful family and the whole of the internet behind you!

Michele R said...

You are in my heart, thoughts and prayers!
And the $35 copay comment is PRICELESS!

Keely said...

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and my heart, girl. You'll do great.

Suburban Correspondent said...

The worst thing about going through these sort of events is that we have to be there for them. Did that make sense? God bless you and keep you safe.

the gazelle said...

I will be thinking about you all day tomorrow. And also am wondering if I could start showing my boobs to people for $35. I mean, I've never had any surgery on them, but there must be some takers out there, right?

I know everything will go well! Good luck.

Viv said...

S.C., directed me over here, but, I will say a prayer for you too.

Marie said...

Your Uncle Heaven and I are praying
for you. Wish I could do it for you. Love you so very much. XOXO

Judy said...

Amy has been your point guard for this and has solicited prayers for you from all of us. Your friends on the Florida Gulf Coast has had your back since your diagnosis. We've loved you and your family for many years and are lifting you up. God bless you, Becks!! Judy and Jane PS-Jane said to call her with any questions, any time!

Lisa Lilienthal said...

This time tomorrow it will all be done! I am thinking of you.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

I came by way of The More, The Messier to tell you that I will pray for you.

Mad Woman said...

You're in my thoughts and prayers hun...always. Best of luck tomorrow and may you heal quickly and relatively painlessly.

Sjn said...

Prayers, well wishes and support coming your way. Keep positive and use those pain killers they give you!

S said...

Hi Becky -

Sending all our love and prayers from the West Coast.. the NorCal Hubbart contingent of me, Damon, Michael and Carmel are praying and thinking of you. We love you love you love you.

S said...

I'm inexperienced with posting comments, as you can see from above - coming out of the wordwork to show love, ya know?!

Love,
Stephanie Hubbart

Bonnie said...

xoxo

gretchen said...

First of all, you'd think they'd do something about that lighting. It's a plastic surgeons office, for God's sake, they should know the importance of presentation.

Second, the fact that that nurse came in and showed you her reconstructed boob is so incredibly cool I can't stand it. Because it's just what you need, you know, to get some idea of what it's really going to look like, and feel reassured that it looks pretty good.

Third, tomorrow at 10:00 PT (1:00 ET) I'll start praying with all my heart. For you, your surgeon, Matt and the kids.

I'll be waiting with baited breath for news.

Cassie said...

Been thinking of you. Love, love, love my friend.

Michele said...

I will be praying and biting my nails. At the same time, because I'm all about multi-tasking. xoxo

Mrs. Smith said...

Sending good thoughts your way from Dallas.

ccr in MA said...

Thinking good thoughts for you.

Bren said...

Reading all these makes me a little teary eyed. I love Love. I love the thought that the nurse has shown her reconstruction to so many women. Wishing you lots of easy rest and good recovery tv. Thinking about you.

The Dental Maven said...

We're with you 100%, Girl. After the surgery it's all forward from there! You'll be in my positive thoughts all day today.

Beth said...

Praying for everything to go smoothly and for your recovery to be easy!

Monnik said...

I'll be thinking of you. I love the lipstick idea.

Sprite's Keeper said...

You're on my radar!
Keep the positive thoughts, you'll be fine!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Yes, another Semi-stalker here coming out to say I've been thinking of you and sending all kinds of good thoughts and positive energy. xo

Veronica said...

I'm sending all my most positive healing thoughts your way right this very minute. xoxo

Fredrik said...

Becky,
We are thinking of you.
Love,
Fredrik and Vicky

puncturedbicycle said...

Good luck. Rest and heal.

Stephanie said...

Been thinking about you all day. Much love to you today, Becky.

Elle said...

Thinking of you all afternoon here. You're going to be great! Yes!

Alison said...

A little late here; came by way of suburbancorrespondent's post. Having gone through can-we-save-her surgery last year, and then more surgery six months later, and being restored now to the finenowthankyouverymuch category, I just sent up a prayer for you, as so many were for me. I owe so much. Be well. We are survivors!

--AlisonH at spindyeknit.com

Margery said...

Suburban Correspondent sent me over here from her blog to wish you well. I've had the cancer/mastectomy/reconstruction etc and I am totally happy with the results - you will be too. Even if it does take longer than you expected (smile).

Casey said...

Oh Becky, I've been a horrible bloggy pal and haven't been around to check up on you. I'm so sorry you're going through this and there isn't just a quick fix to get everything done and behind you so you can stop dealing with this crap. I just read your surgery update so I'm glad things went well.... sending good vibes your way.