Friday, January 22, 2010

Where Are My Sister Wives?

Dude, if ever there was a day to be in one of those polygamous families where you all help each other with chores and take turns having sex with Bill Paxton, this is the day, 'cause I am not having fun. Poor buddy Hank is on day 2 of a stomach virus. He woke up in the wee hours of Thursday morning throwing up, then vomited several times before morning. Matt did the night duty and I took over in the morning. There was no more throwing up during the day, but lots of diarrhea. (Aren't you glad you stopped by today?) Anyway, through all of this, Hank was as chipper as could be, drinking clear liquids and eating bananas and a peanut butter sandwich. It had all the signs of a quick 24-hour thing.

Sidebar: I just had a genius idea for the next season of "24." Jack Bauer is left in charge of his grandchild, who has a 24-hour gastrointestinal virus. That is all. I bet he'd be begging for that Chinese prison.

I figured that when we put him to bed last night, we were home free. Matt went to sleep in Hank's room anyway (that guy is a mensch), and little buddy had a major bathroom interlude at 5am and then threw up this morning at 9. I should stress that at no point was Hank really unhappy, but I wailed, on the inside, "This was supposed to be over!" Right now he's eating jello, watching Scooby Doo, and making lots of trips to the toilet. I called the doctor and told her about how I'd only signed up for the 24-hour virus excursion, and she reminded me that Gilligan thought he was on a 3-hour tour. She said this could last a few days, but that as long as he's hydrated, not to worry. The whole thing is more of a laundry problem than a health emergency, it seems.

Which brings me to my plea: where are my sister wives? I need:

1. One wife to sit on the sofa and cuddle Hank (I'll take that one because I like to play Lego Indiana Jones on the xbox with him).
2. One wife to fold and put away the mountain of laundry that is forming in the living room. It is shaped a little like Devil's Tower.
3. One wife to take the decorations off of the Christmas tree. I know, I KNOW, quit giving me that look.
4. One wife to shop for groceries and prepare a meal.
5. One wife to do general cleaning of the upstairs, because some friends are coming to stay with us tomorrow night and they deserve better than this.

These are the minimum tasks that need doing--there's more, but it's getting moved to the "nice to have" column. I'm thankful that my buddy is not feeling too too bad. It dawned on him that today would have been a school day. He said, "I'm much too sick for that place." I agreed with him and he got a gleam of pleasure in his eyes.

So that's what we're doing. I hope y'all are well on this Friday afternoon.

22 comments:

Camp Papa said...

"I'm much too sick for that place." may have to go down with "I don't have time for that." as universal avoidance tools.

Matt is golden.

Amy said...

I'll fold the laundry!

Hope dude is all better soon.

Amy said...

Oh girl, am SO sorry.

Ever since I learned about "granting in fantasy" as a de-rail technique for kid fits, we have a standing routine around here. It started as "I wish there were two of me, so one of me could go with you and one of me could stay here," and has escalated to wishing for enough "me"s to accomplish every task I can think of... but frankly I think I'd get pretty sick of so many of me. Sister wives would be much better!

Hope the illness passes soon (and entirely away without infecting anyone else!)

Jane said...

Sorry to hear Hank's sick! I hope he's all better soon.

Be sure when you bring in the sister wives that they understand there is a strict hierarchy. It's best to get these things established early on.

Veronica said...

Poor little buddy. I need a couple sister wives to take care of the house and this child while I deal with my own cold...

Jenni said...

Gleam of pleasure, huh? If I were you I'd expect a few faux coughs next week.

Glad Hank is feeling better. And I'll lend you one of my sister wives. When I get one.

Maggie said...

Bless his little heart. I do have to admit, the "I'm much too sick for that place" is totally priceless. Give him a hug for me. Hug yourself too while you are at it. Love ya

Keely said...

I've often thought having an extra spouse or two would be helpful. Of either sex, really, since there is also a lot of 'manly' type chores that need doing.

I wonder if "I'm much too sick for that place" would work at my job?

Hope Hank feels better soon!

Michele said...

Actually, what I really want is a mommy to live at my house but I guess an extra wife would work in a pinch.

I hope Hank is feeling better soon.

Kate said...

I love that you enjoy playing Lego xbox games with him. You and Hank have the most adorable relationship!

Becky said...

Ugh, y'all. Now Laura and I have got it. Stay away from this house--here be plague!

Marie said...

I can just hear Hank saying that!
Hope you are all better soon!

I agree...Matt is golden and he has great taste in wives!

Cassie said...

Nooooo! I hope you all feel better soon.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Sweet little Hank is getting some mighty big love.

steenky bee said...

How appropriate is it that I am from Utah?! If you needed a sister wife to iron, call on me. I live for that.

As for 24, I'd like to see an episode where Jack spends an hour...maybe the 3:00 pm episode to wrap up his laundry, shower and then run a few errands. I know justice never sleeps, but sometimes it needs to be grocery shopping.

remarkablydomestic said...

I'll do the shopping and cook a meal. As long as you let me play Lego Indy, too-- but we're on Indy 2, my friend, so, CATCH UP. I hope you all feel much better very soon.

Sjn said...

now it's moved on to Lincoln. Hope Kelly doesn't get it too. :-(
These things are way too contagious!

blondmondays said...

Ahh, the 24-hr illness. At my house, there are 2 extremes. Either it lasts about 63 minutes, which is just long enough to avoid going to school, or it extends upwards of a week. At which point the kid and I are both sick of it and can't stand the sight of each other.

I'm one of your lurkers, and was about 23 years behind on reading blogs. Thanks for the enjoyment of letting me catch up. Love your blog!

Elizabeth said...

If the healthcare bill passes, all 24-hour bugs will be replaced by 8 hours bugs. That's how amazing it is.

Bex said...

pretty sure best girlfriends are also meant to fulfill the role of wife to you (minus sleeping with each other's husbands) (well, i guess some people are into that) (that's for a different type of blog though, i'm sure)

gretchen said...

Oh honey, the Christmas tree is still up? You do need help. I would be totally happy to be your sister wife cause I have a little secret "thing" for Matt. I see that Amy has already claimed the laundry...I'd cook the meals. Cause the quickest way to a man's heart...

And btw, the 24 idea is brilliant! Maybe not so cinematic, or nail-biting, but certainly something that the American people could identify with.

Sara said...

That Lego game is addictive. I'd forgotten how fun it is.

Poo on the germs. Except for the benefit of no school. I was a little happy about my scratchy throat this morning thinking 'this could mean a day off from work!'

Hmmm, sister wives. Now, see, I'd feel like I had to tidy up and cook for *them.* I'd screw up a good thing.

My go to remedy for stomach junk is always ginger ale and thin salty pretzels. It's the only thing they don't reset their barf reflex on. Usually.

Get well!