Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Why Don't We Talk about Me Some More

When last we checked in on my physical condition, I was griping to anyone who would listen about these two surgical drains I had in. Yesterday we went down to the plastic surgeon's office, toting the log sheet of drain data that Matt has been meticulously keeping. My hopes were high. The nice physician's assistant took our log sheet and studied their output. Then she said only one drain would be coming out, but the good news was that it was "the big one." I think it was called the big one because from the way it felt when she pulled that tube out, there was a squirrel on the end of it. You know I like to keep it light here at SubMat, so please forgive me when I say that it hurt like an absolute motherfuck.

I had saved my last percocet for this event. That was in the top twenty smartest things I have ever done.

Matt held my hand, of course, and as he pointed out later, the PA did not warn me, "This is going to hurt," but when they give you that "Take a deep breath and then let it out" line, I know what they mean is, "Yeah, this is going to hurt." So I took a deep breath and let it out, and out, and I got afraid that I would run out of exhalation before she finished pulling and I did not know what I would do then. But then she was finished. And it felt so good that she was finished that I was actually happy. Pain is weird, y'all. She says the other one is "the little one" and in a couple days, it will be "a cinch" to take out. So I've got that going for me.

I told her that I just wasn't sure if it was normal for me to be in such constant discomfort and pain at the site where the little tube comes out. She said my skin did look irritated, "as though it really doesn't like that," and that I must be extra sensitive. Just like the Princess and the Pea. I'm a real princess, y'all!

Then today I saw a picture of Heidi Montag in a magazine, looking all Barbie beautiful, and the caption reminded us that she had ten plastic surgeries more or less simultaneously. And I thought, "That girl needs a doctor who will put down the knife and fix her brain. A really good doctor."

Twenty minutes after my drains/exhale/tube-pulling/squirrel/massive endorphin release experience, Matt and I had our first sit-down with my medical oncologist. That was a good meeting and there is more to tell. But I will spare your blog-strained eyes and tell you tomorrow. It is time for the horizontal mambo. By which I mean I am going to sleep. xoxo-B

30 comments:

Amy said...

I don't mean to laugh at your pain, but when you said there was a squirrel on the end of it--I laughed at your pain.

You are being such a good sport, but I know that drain has been beyond annoying. I am praying that it comes out SOON. Can you get some more drugs??

Becky said...

It's okay Amy, I wanted you to laugh at it. Matt and I were laughing at it pretty much right afterwards. He was helping me get dressed, and I was so flushed and sweaty and tousled that he said I looked like I'd had a good rogering. Or words to that effect.

aimeewrites said...

Buh-bye, squirrelly! So how much smaller is the "small" one? Chipmunk? Hamster? Kumquat? Inquiring minds...

Congrats on getting the tougher of the two done. Double congrats on the percocet brilliance.

Beth said...

I laughed at your pain, too, with the squirrel thing. Squirrel is just inherently funny, you know? My comedy writing husband would probably say it's the "q" in there, or some other such comedy theory.

Technically, I think your surgical site did actually get a good rogering, no? I know, I know, this is a family blog. Sorry bout that.

Becky said...

It's okay Beth, I think we are increasingly veering into PG13 territory with all the boob boob boob stuff all the time! Maybe that 'q' is funny, you should ask him.

Aimee, I am hoping for a small cocktail onion. Or smaller.

Mad Woman said...

I'm so excited! I always wanted to be able to say I "know" a princess, and now I can!!

That whole drain thing sounds really uncomfortable. I hope that you can get the little one (maybe a hamster on the end instead of a squirrel?) out really soon!

The Dental Maven said...

One down, one to go! Now I'm looking forward to the news from the medical oncologist. You go, Girl.

Sjn said...

you're such a trooper! When I had the tube in for my thoracic surgery I had pain of 15 (1-10 scale). It was amazing the relief when it came out and how quickly that hole healed (they didn't even stitch it).
Oh, another good nurse cue to watch out for is "big stick".
It is all about you right now, and well deserved. Prayers still coming your way!

mmeperpetua said...

I don't want to wait for good news! Give us the good news! I don't care if you just had a squirrel pulled out of you--sit down and write, woman! (Totally kidding, obviously, but also totally can't wait to hear good stuff.)

melondonkey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michele said...

A small pebble, that's what we want at the end of the small one. But, just in case do you want me to send you a percocet?

I think if you use the word motherfuck and rogering you've definitely crossed into the PG-13 territory.

Maggie said...

Bless your heart!! I actually felt pain just reading about it, but I have to admit, I laughed at the squirrel too. I am glad that the drain is out, I sure hope the other one is not painful. Keep up the great work on healing and remember I love you, doll.

Coffee with Cathy said...

We're pulling for you, Becky ... and please excuse possibly inappropriate use of "pull" in regards to your recent surgical-drain experience. Just remember: You are loved.

Lisa Lilienthal said...

Yay! One down, one to go!

Stephanie said...

Shame on that squirrel for making me laugh at the library reference desk.

I'm glad you got one of those mofos out. Now I have it ingrained in my brain what it's like to have a drain removed. I'm afraid that it's going to become one of those bad dreams like when you can't put on the brakes and you're about to run into something.

Can you have alcohol now that you're not on pain meds?

Jane said...

Whew. Sounds like a tough morning, but I'm glad you're halfway done with those drains (or more than halfway, I guess, since that was the bigger one.)

Michele R said...

Sheesh, are you and your sister both out to make your readers squeel with the rodent references?? Just kidding. You are hilarious. I hope the irritated skin situation gets better!.

Jenni said...

I physically shudder at the idea of them removing that drain. Ugh.

Looking forward to the deets on your meeting w/the onc.

Amy said...

Nice MF bomb there, girlie.

At least they didn't say "You might experience some DISCOMFORT." Because we all know that DISCOMFORT is a term that someone uses who is not actually experiencing what you are experiencing, which is PAIN.

I am liking the "good" in the trailer for your meeting w/the oncologist...

Casey said...

Youch, I'm sorry it hurt like a motherfuck. You're bringing back pain memories from my breast reduction when my incision site ripped open and there was a 3"x1" gaping wound on my boob. Motherfuck was about right for the pain level.

Here's hoping drain #2 is more like a little prick and not a huge motherfuck. I've never gotten to say fuck so much in someone's comments and I thank you for that. ;)

Keely said...

Yowchies! But, it's out, right? And so is the squirrel. One small baby mouse to go.

missynall said...

I've got demerol! Email me before the next appt! So glad to hear your halfway to being drain-free.

Suburban Correspondent said...

I think I would have demanded that they put me under for that. I just can't bear that sort of thing. Gah.

crazylovescompany said...

Dear princess. You are a rockstar. Let us know if any more animals come out. I appreciate the sharing! I hope the rest is good news.

Rebekah said...

I'm glad you're sharing all of this with us, your public. You really should be published for a larger audience. There must be a silver lining to find. I've got to get up there and take you to a fancy restaurant soon :)

Lee Vandeman said...

I'm a pretty new reader over here. Michele R is the conduit. Holy crap sister - I do NOT dig pain.

I DO dig percocet. I am so happy for your perfectly timed decision to save that one.

I'm focusing on that ONLY as I can not stand the thought of that squirrel pain.

You're awesome.

Ash said...

Good meetings rule.

Heidi Montag doesn't. That goes double for Spencer.

Sorry about the squirrel!!

Sara said...

I thought the horizontal mambo meant rogering? ;)

I'm glad that's one drain down. Had to be annoying as hecks! Glad there's good news on the horizon.

Poor Heidi...she is a cartoon woman.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

It won't be a cocktail onion. No, my money is on a large green pea. And on your rogered spot, try some Vitamin E.

XOXO

The Stiletto Mom said...

Hopefully by now the other drain with hopefully only a field mouse at the end of it has been removed. And I bow to your brilliance on the percocet....smart move girlfriend! Hugs from Texas, Mary Anne