Wedding Party Favors: Just a Northern Thing?

Matt's older brother Chris is going to be married this fall to a great girl from Providence, RI. I am sure you'll be hearing much more about this in the coming months, but in short, Robin is pretty, down-to-earth, accomplished, has a big career, is a mom, and is in the National Guard to boot. Yes, I'm thinking of having her take over my life for me.

So we've been email chatting about arrangements for their wedding, which will be in Boston at a historic building on the harbor. She writes:

Question for you. I was talking to Chris about party favors – little giveaways for the guests – and he says he thinks it is a northern thing – that he has never seen party favors at a Southern wedding. Is that true? Normally it is tradition to put something at each seat like a little candle or jordan almonds, etc. Chris thinks I am nuts.

Now, normally, my money would be on Matt or his brothers just not noticing such a detail, everytime. But in this case, I wrote back that I think he's right. We don't do that down here. Sometimes, rarely, I have seen little boxes of cake stacked on a table for guests to take home at the end of the reception. But not often, and nothing more than that.

I think this could be because actual sit-down meals at weddings are much less common in the South than in the North, and it sounds like the party favor is associated with a place setting at the table. We tend to have these afternoon weddings where people aren't expecting to be fed a full meal afterwards. My wedding was at 2:00, with what they called "heavy hors d'oevre," which is pretty standard around these parts. If your wedding is at noon in the South, it either means that it will be very formal, or that you're Catholic and it's a mass. 4:00 is also a popular time, but then you start to see more buffet food at the reception. However, I think my sister's wedding was later in the afternoon (Amy?), but her reception was still of the hors d'oevre-and-mingle kind. Possibly because there was only standing room because she has always been so freaking popular. But I digress.

Robin was thinking of having little cards next to each plate that told the guests the bride and groom had made a donation to a charity in their honor, but that her sister said people "expect stuff." So I asked Robin, "Would you still expect to see party favors at a wedding that had a cocktail or tea reception instead of a sit-down meal?" She said she didn't think so, but that she had never been to a wedding that wasn't a formal sit-down dinner or a seated buffet. This is so interesting to me! It really is like a totally different set of regional wedding traditions. Whenever I have been to a big nighttime wedding with a dinner and a full bar, it has always been up North. So what has your experience been? Are you reading this thinking, "Oh, totally party favors! It's required." Or are you, like, "What?"

On the interwebs I found this fun article about regional differences in expectations and etiquette for weddings, "A Look Behind the Veil at Southern Weddings." Some of the most interesting points are:

• Brides in the South have a ton of bridesmaids. Duh, I knew that. I think the most I have ever personally witnessed was nine. Anybody seen more than that? Or anybody seen a non-Southern wedding like that?
• Weddings in the South tend to do hors d'oevre or buffet because they have huge guest lists. Hmmm. I don't know, I've been to some pretty big weddings up North that had full meals. I think it might be a deeper cultural thing.
• It gives the same reason--hundreds and hundreds of guests--that Southern brides don't do party favors. Hmmm again. I've been to medium and small weddings down here, with no favors in sight.
• Flowers are a huge big deal for Southern weddings. True. But what bride anywhere doesn't love flowers?
• Southerners are notorious for not RSVP'ing. I think this is probably true.
• In the North, one or two bridal showers is standard. In the South, expect "months worth of luncheons, tea parties and get-togethers." Interesting. I had four showers or bridal events--a tea party, a luncheon, and two more conventional showers, variously hosted by friends of Matt's mom or of my mom. I didn't think that was a lot, because plenty of people have many more.
• "Couples who get married in the South also have to prepare for kids at their wedding even if they weren't invited. Southern guests have a bad habit of bringing their children to weddings regardless of whether they were listed on the invitation." Ha! This is totally true! People just assume that their kids are meant to come, and that there will be other kids there.
• In the North, it is not uncommon for sisters and mothers of the bride to host bridal showers, "here in the South that is taboo." Wow, I learned something. I thought the rule of no sisters and moms hosting showers was just the way it is done, I didn't know it was regional. I thought it was a universal law, like gravity.

Now, the whole subject of the West is interesting. I think they do their own thing on the west coast. What do you say, West Coasters? Maybe in weddings, like in so much else, they combine traditions from all over. I think California and the West in general has a greater influence over the national culture as the years go by, and maybe this will have a homogenizing effect on wedding culture? And the Midwest? I have no idea. What do you think? Do these regionalisms seem significant in your experience? I think they still are, to an extent.

Anyhoo, please weigh in. This topic is like catnip to me.