The expanded version is: the kids and I were very well tended to by Matt, my parents, friends and neighbors; the weather remained gorgeous; I felt a little stronger and less ouchy every day; I tried to read a People magazine but it was too narratively complex--who is that guy in all those pictures with Sandra Bullock?--so I dug into the Anthropologie catalog instead; I slept an astounding twelve hours a night; I took a couple of short walks; we dyed eggs; lots of "30 Rocks" were watched; and I ate an unseemly amount of candy.
Seriously, Matt tucks me into bed around midnight every night and I sleep until noon the next day. I am not kidding when I say that it feels awesome.
Also I have gained four pounds since my surgery. What the what? I blame all of the people, medical professionals included, who keep exhorting me that I need to eat to heal, and who keep putting Chick-fil-a milkshakes into my hands. Possibly, sleeping half of the day could be implicated as well.
Today marked a change in the routine because Matt's mom arrived last night and took the kids back up to Chattanooga with her for a few days of spring break fun. Mom and Dad also slipped away to their mountain citadel. I am pretty low maintenance these days, so with the kids gone, I told them to go have a little break and that Matt could handle my naps, TV channel changes, and tantrums for food.
So today I found myself in a quiet house with no children and no obligations except to just be. I tried to think of when the last time was that I was supposed to just exist, with nothing expected of me. I couldn't remember. The closest thing, I think, is after you bring home a new baby. But at that time people kind of expect you to take care of the baby.
It is a strange feeling, but I am liking it. I think I will enjoy it even more tomorrow, now that I'm getting used to the idea of just getting well and resting up for the next thing. Plus I might be up to reading an actual book. I know for sure I need to get around to everyone's blogs and see what y'all are up to.
Also, I have been studying myself in the mirror, looking at my surgical site and all, and while some of the books I've read warned me to expect a confusing avalanche of feelings of grief, or disgust, or a desire to turn away, honestly what I thought was, "Huh, that's not so bad. Really not bad at all." Maybe I already got that sadness out of the way. I know it hasn't even been a week, and maybe I'm still in shock a little. Who knows what's to come. But it's like I can already sense my usual happiness with my own body just waiting in the wings. Like, "Okay, when you're ready, let's get this show back on the road."
Speaking of happy, my mother-in-law brought me that yellow Liberty of London coat from Target. I love it so much that I want to take it behind the high school and get it pregnant.
(That last sentence is a quotation from "30 Rock," because you know that I would never be so vulgar all on my own.)
I hope y'all had wonderful weekends. I love and appreciate your thoughtful notes so much. And also your blog comments. My parents read the comments aloud to me throughout the day in case I missed them. Y'all continue to be wonderful. And I'll keep you posted on any important happenings with all my junk. xoxoxo--B
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25 comments:
It's good to have some alone time just to be you. It is time to pamper yourself. I'm sure you will have many emotions whatever they are they are yours to feel. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Hang in there ;-)
Yay for time alone! You could have picked an easier way to get it but I am glad you are enjoying it.
Also, that weight? Is probably just the fluids they pumped into you during surgery. I've had a few, and I rarely eat for days after and I'm always "What the heck is THAT???" when I step (wobble) onto the scale a few days later. It will go away soon enough.
Keep on resting and taking care of yourself, a family in Texas is thinking of you...and a friend in Texas is loving on you from afar.
xo
Mary Anne
you sound great. Glad you're feeling well and have a bit of time for yourself, especially while it's spring break and the weather is so inspiring.
btw... Alex wore the Liberty of London dress (yellow sunflower pattern) Easter Sunday to church, it is so cute, you're gonna love it!
Thanks for sharing how it felt looking in the mirror. I've often wondered if I could handle that...
You're my hero, for serious. Keep on owning your feelings and your situation and just being fabulous you.
(And keep updating us, of course.)
Hey, Sweetie! I was hoping you'd post tonight. I'm glad you are doing so well and I'm sure you've been told to include some protein for healing. Much Love! XO
It sounds like you're being well taken care of...it truly must feel odd after being the carer for so long! I'm glad you're taking it with open arms, though. Keeping you in our thoughts!
I'm so happy you are getting lots of pampering and feeling less ouchy.
That yellow Liberty of London quote took me aback for a moment because I misread it (I was distracted by my girl, who is on a new path of trying to extort money for each little subchore she performs) as you wanted to go behind the HS and get pregnant while wearing the coat. The actual quote is pretty hilarious. You don't really think that's vulgar, do you?
Woot, Woot! You sound like your old self already SubMat! Keep it goin', Girl!!!!!!!!
You had me at sleeping till noon. And being tucked in. Dreamy.
(Only you could make recovering from surgery sound like a vacation. And I know it hasn't been!)
You know you are a mother of two children when a few days alone after getting home from the hospital seems like a trip to club med! Glad your spirits are up.
Alone time is never more appreciated than when you have little ones around all the time. Now, that mine are out (and I say that loosely because you know they keep coming back) I get a lot of alone time. And, I still love it!
Sending good wishes.
Hugs - Michele
I'm so glad you're getting so much rest and drinking so many milkshakes. Warms my heart.
Wear the hell out of that coat, momma. I still don't even have pillows. WAA!
Hooray for feeling better and sleeping for long periods of time!
30 rock, sleeping til noon, and Liberty of London? That sounds like a heavenly way to recover. Maybe when you get a chance you can read Kevin Grisham's Rural Juror or Urban Fervor.
I saw that coat at Target last week - they only had a small. I actually contemplated buying it - wondered if anyone would notice the sleeves were about a foot too short (I'm 5'10" so I generally cannot wear coats/tops in small unless they are a 'tall' small).
I had a similar reaction after my surgery - not as bad as I thought. And such a relief in some ways to stop worrying and get it over with.
Ooh, time to read? That's like heaven! It sounds like you are doing great!
Your post reminded me that my mom and I always joked about getting tattoos on our mastectomy scars! Yeah, we were too prim & proper to actually go through with it....
I'm not sure how long the whole reconstruction process takes, but if you need it this summer, Land's End has awesome mastectomy swimsuits, with soft pockets for breast forms. They are basically the same as the regular suits, so you can keep wearing it when you get your new boob!
I love this post! (Sugar depresses yr immune system, though.) See you, keep on keeping on!
All I did was have a baby and it wasn't even a c-section, but I can still relate to the whole recovery process, even the part about looking at your body. I too have gained about five pounds and for the exact same reasons. Well, I guess our happy normal selves are right around the corner.
Since I feel that Liz Lemon and I are identical twins who were separated at birth, I would totally want her around if I had to recover from surgery. The Liberty of London coat wouldn't hurt either, but it seems to me the best things you have in your recovery arsenal are your wonderful family and sense of humor. Enjoy the rest and milkshakes!
I can't remember alone time either. I mean, there are times I laze around in bed, but they are accompanied by guilt that my child is watching 15 episodes of Phineas and Ferb while I'm doing it.
You are strong, woman! I like that. Get the show on the road indeed!
enjoy your alone time. except for the whole 'recovering from icky surgery' thing, it sounds yummy. especially the part about milkshakes and yellow coats.
glad you're feeling alright.
YAY for being pampered! I'd get lost in own my head, so I'd have to sleep for 12 hours at a time too. I'm glad you get some quiet time, but I hope the kids aren't gone toooo long.
Glad to hear all is going well with you. You have an excellent support system.
oh yes, I know that quote. and we were watching 30 rock episodes on my netflix dvd here in grandparent cancer land tonight! my mom started chemo this week and it's knocking her off her feet. which is not pretty for a TYPE A kind of gal. so she'll just have to let me cook the spaghetti ( Are you timing that????) and chill. She is not a lady who likes to be waited on. But i insist.
i am glad you got to go to Target!!
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