Hair Today

Whew, where were we? Oh yes, with me on my first day of chemotherapy, high on steroids, and in love with everyone. That was sort of awesome. I was a real Dexy's Midnight Runner. Wednesday night my sister got to town, so of course we went to Target and closed the place up. As we were leaving, I shouted, "Shut her down!" And they turned off the lights. Then we took my mom to a tequila bar, just for one drink. That was our absolute limit. We stuck to it, and as we left these guys smiled at us and said, "Don't get into any trouble, ladies," and I thought, "Dude, you have no idea what kind of trouble I represent. Just my uninsurability alone would keep you busy many a long, long night."

So then, the bad news: couldn't stay on the steroids forever.

And now, the good news: I have yet to feel really bad or nauseated from the chemo. That is, I know, a great boon. I'm hoping my luck holds. I mean, it's Sunday night, I had that infusion on Wednesday, it seems like I should have been upchucky by now? On Friday afternoon, feeling cautiously optimistic, I said, "Why don't we just head up to to the mountain house for the weekend?" Others packed and drove. I took a pharmacopoeia of meds with me, just in case, and lots of reading material. Now we're back and we had a lovely time.

Saturday morning I woke up early and felt a little. . .unsure. Then I remembered that Ativan wants to be my new best friend, and I took a half tab. Then I took another half tab Saturday evening. And that's been my schedule. It's got me feeling a little flat, but not really sedated either. No queasies! So I'm going to stick with this plan for a few days.

Lots coming up this week, including some physiotherapy for my arm, which has decided to give me no end of botheration in the last week. Details, whatever. I have a crack support team arrayed to take me to appointments, laugh at my jokes, and watch "Arrested Development" with me on Netflix. (Amy wanted me to say that she needs to be blogging too, but she's in my kitchen making her trademark sticky chicken.)

Oh, and the whole real point of this post was to tell you about telling Laura about my possible (probable? certain?) hair loss. Last Tuesday night, the day before my first chemo infusion, before anyone arrived, we were sitting in the sun room and she brought up an old friend of hers from preschool days. She said, "Remember how Faith had really short hair, like a boy?" I thought that she had heard me discussing the hair issue and that this might be her way of bringing it up. So I jumped in.

I said, "Well, you know how now I have to go a few times and get extra medicine for the tumor they took out of me, to make sure it doesn't come back?" I reminded her what a side effect is, and I said, "One of the side effects of this medicine they'll give me is that it can make some or all of my hair fall out."

Her mouth fell open. Absolute shock. She said, "You're going to be bald?!?" I said, "Well, maybe, yes, but not forever, and not all at once. I will have some scarves and hats to wear, and if all my hair falls out, I'll get a wig to wear until it grows back." She didn't look upset, exactly, but I realized that she'd had no idea and this was totally new information to her. I added, "You know, it's not that big a deal, it is a bummer but the hair will grow back." And I watched her. I think that, much more than when I told her about the surgery, this was a moment when her feelings could have gone either way, and it was all down to how I was reacting to it.

I just repeated myself a little: "When and if it happens, it is not going to seem like such a big deal. I'll just get myself a wig and wear it." I could tell she was still processing.

And here is a big parenting lesson that I learn over and over: when you are telling something new, surprising, or big to your kids, and they stop asking questions, stop talking. They are at a saturation point and they need to work on what you've said. Don't answer any further questions that they aren't asking, just clam up and wait.

Then she said, "Hey, I think you shouldn't tell Hank this is going to happen, and then when he sees you with no hair, he'll be so surprised!" And she laughed. I took that attempt at levity as her desire to close down the conversation for the moment, so I said something like, "Whoa, that might be too much of a surprise for him."

Then we went along with what we were doing, but when Mom and Dad came in a little later, Laura rushed to the door and said, "My mom is going to be bald!" She wanted to be the first to tell. And since then we've talked it over a few different times, with talk of wigs and whether or not she can get one too. I think she and I will both be fine with the whole thing. I'm sure you'll hear more about this later, gators.

As of today the hair is hanging in there. I am really enjoying it, truly.

And here's Amy and her niece up at the mountains. I hope y'all had lovely weekends. Sorry I'm all like, "me me me and what about me some more?" I need to get around and get properly caught up on what y'all are doing. xoxox-B