Where Are My Sister Wives?

Dude, if ever there was a day to be in one of those polygamous families where you all help each other with chores and take turns having sex with Bill Paxton, this is the day, 'cause I am not having fun. Poor buddy Hank is on day 2 of a stomach virus. He woke up in the wee hours of Thursday morning throwing up, then vomited several times before morning. Matt did the night duty and I took over in the morning. There was no more throwing up during the day, but lots of diarrhea. (Aren't you glad you stopped by today?) Anyway, through all of this, Hank was as chipper as could be, drinking clear liquids and eating bananas and a peanut butter sandwich. It had all the signs of a quick 24-hour thing.

Sidebar: I just had a genius idea for the next season of "24." Jack Bauer is left in charge of his grandchild, who has a 24-hour gastrointestinal virus. That is all. I bet he'd be begging for that Chinese prison.

I figured that when we put him to bed last night, we were home free. Matt went to sleep in Hank's room anyway (that guy is a mensch), and little buddy had a major bathroom interlude at 5am and then threw up this morning at 9. I should stress that at no point was Hank really unhappy, but I wailed, on the inside, "This was supposed to be over!" Right now he's eating jello, watching Scooby Doo, and making lots of trips to the toilet. I called the doctor and told her about how I'd only signed up for the 24-hour virus excursion, and she reminded me that Gilligan thought he was on a 3-hour tour. She said this could last a few days, but that as long as he's hydrated, not to worry. The whole thing is more of a laundry problem than a health emergency, it seems.

Which brings me to my plea: where are my sister wives? I need:

1. One wife to sit on the sofa and cuddle Hank (I'll take that one because I like to play Lego Indiana Jones on the xbox with him).

2. One wife to fold and put away the mountain of laundry that is forming in the living room. It is shaped a little like Devil's Tower.

3. One wife to take the decorations off of the Christmas tree. I know, I KNOW, quit giving me that look.

4. One wife to shop for groceries and prepare a meal.

5. One wife to do general cleaning of the upstairs, because some friends are coming to stay with us tomorrow night and they deserve better than this.

These are the minimum tasks that need doing--there's more, but it's getting moved to the "nice to have" column. I'm thankful that my buddy is not feeling too too bad. It dawned on him that today would have been a school day. He said, "I'm much too sick for that place." I agreed with him and he got a gleam of pleasure in his eyes.

So that's what we're doing. I hope y'all are well on this Friday afternoon.