A Lot of Living

Most days you kind of rock through on cruise control, you know? You've pretty much expanded your capacities to the point where you can handle your stuff without feeling taxed or burdened. In our marriage, we have an oft-repeated maxim for this: You can do whatever you have to do.

A couple nights ago, though, I was surprised to find myself feeling kind of drained. It wasn't like a marathon day, really, but it just took a lot of living. That's what I told Matt, it just took a lot of living. Really only three things happened. I took the kids to the dentist, where Laura got braces on her top front teeth. Hank also got his teeth cleaned, and he gagged every time the dentist touched him. He was a little ball of anxiety, and he's never been like that before. The dentist kept calling him "Frank." He got through it, though, and Laura loved her braces. That's right, loved them. These kids today, they are different. Her glasses and braces make her the double threat. I told her she looks like she needs to be in charge of something.

When we got home, Mom and Dad and Amy and her whole crew (Jason, Ava, Nate, and Grace, I'm sorry you guys keep getting called "her whole crew") had arrived at my house from the mountains for what was to be their last night before starting their journey back to Oz. We really barely greeted them before we had to run over to the PTA meeting. Laura was one of the students of the month, so she had to have her moment of grip-and-grin with the principal.

I want to mention that all of those kids in that picture are third graders, just like Laura. Yet not only is she half a head taller than all of them, she looks two years older, I think. Goodness me. The fact that everyone gets a turn, eventually, to be Student of the Month did not reduce Laura's excitement. Like the father says in A Christmas Story, it's a major award!

So then we went back home and there were 89 people in my house, it seemed, only it was really only our family plus the Hamiltons, who'd come to hang out and meet the Australian baby, and everyone was having a lot of high-intensity relating and fellowshipping with everyone else, which was all dialed up a degree by the knowledge that it was our last waltz for a long while. Some people were playing board games while other people engaged in competitive karaoke. Others milled about. And I did not drink a cosmo because of all the calories, but I'm not sure the three glasses of wine I had instead were really a good substitute. A great time was had by all, and yet somehow all the being wore me out. And at the end of the night, I said to Matt, "It just takes so much showing up and caring, this life." Just a lot of living.

So they left Wednesday morning, early, and I've been a little forlorn, not knowing exactly when we'll see them again.

As they were heading to the airport, Amy realized that every single pair of shoes she had were packed in suitcases and loaded into the car. Apparently we have a thing with shoelessness and travel in this family. Or traveling while shoeless. We're free-spirited like that. After the car drove away, and I was back inside our suddenly huge-feeling house, I felt pretty down in the mouth, and I wanted to cry, but it didn't seem like quite the right response when we'd all had such wonderful weeks together.

After they were gone I found out what had happened in Haiti. I've been kind of glued to the news, and Hank caught a glimpse of CNN, so I told him that there had been an earthquake (he didn't know that word) and that many people had no houses and nowhere to go and needed lots of help. He asked a few questions about who was helping them and what they were going to do, and honestly I did not have great answers. He must have been processing it, because tonight at bedtime he said, "Tell me a story about the earthquake, but don't make it a story about this family." Indeed. I mean, little kids may not have our language skills, but sometimes I'm amazed at the way they can talk about their emotions and get their point across.

I hope you and yours are well, wherever you are. xoxox-B