Three Things I Observed While Bowling

1. Bowling has gotten fancy, y'all. We stepped out with the Hamiltons the other night to a local bowling establishment. Somehow we wound up on one of the "boutique lanes." This seemed to mean that the lighting was quite dynamic, the furniture was lug-zhurious, and there were really big TV screens down at the end of the lanes, over the pins, and not just the little screens between the scoreboards. I remember when, if you went bowling, you couldn't watch TV at the same time. But this way I was able to see a lot more ultimate fighting than I usually manage to catch. It being "boutique bowling" did not however mean that nobody wore overalls or chewed tobacco and spat in a clear plastic cup. More about that below. This picture does not show all the lugzhury, but believe me, it was there. Also you can see the color of my bra through my shirt, so that's awesome.

And bowling is not cheap anymore. I remember it being something that large groups of people could do for not a lot of money. Not on Friday night they can't. Friday night is kind of bucks. Of course, Thursday night is a dollar per game, but who wants to go bowling on Thursday?

Beer is still cheap though.

2. Bowling is an intercultural experience. The county we live in has a real cultural division into South county and North county. The south county, where we are, is basically metro Atlanta. It's full of people who came from somewhere else and it's kind of plush. The north county is more populated by people who have been settled there a long time. It is full of, like, cows and possibly Trans-Ams. I SAY THAT IN LOVE. Anyway, this bowling emporium is located at a kind of midpoint between the two worlds (that would be exit 14 off GA-400, for my local readers). Like Istanbul, it is a place where the cultures can mix and mingle, creating a rich, heady brew of contrasting traditions, folkways, and wardrobe practices. On one side of us were two fifty year-old guys and their twenty year-old girlfriends. Twenty might be giving these girls too much credit. I think they had just met, but they were getting on very well indeed. It was another exit 14 love connection.

On the other side of us was a big group of people, one of whom was dipping tobacco and spitting in a plastic cup. It's been a while since I've seen that. I didn't know that was still a thing, what with how disgusting it is, and all that's known about cancers of the head and neck. So I died after I saw that, but I was revived when I heard Lincoln ask, "Who wears overalls to a bowling alley?" I loved that question in so many ways, because, really, where IS the right place for a grown man to wear overalls, except for actually on a tractor? I offered the opinion that this fellow probably wore those overalls everywhere. And that guy could bowl too.

And then I saw a girl wrapped in a pashmina. So, yeah, a rich mingling.

Yet another group, who seemed loosely affiliated with the tobacco chewing, overall donning crowd, had a newborn baby and a toddler with them, all between 10 and 12:30 at night. That toddler really didn't want to be there, though the little baby wasn't too bothered. Kelly and I were reminiscing about the scene from Sweet Home Alabama where she says, "And you have a baby! In a bar!"

I also saw a man removing himself from his trousers before he was all the way into the men's bathroom. Rich mingling.

Actually the tobacco juice thing was way worse.

3. I am a terrible bowler.

See how I have a 77 and everyone else is over 100? We played four games and I never scored higher than a 90. Kelly already told this story, but I did actually bowl a couple or three strikes. Just never in a row. My proudest moment was when, unbeknownst to me, Matt bet that I would pick up a spare, and I did. I am just relieved that my husband didn't bet against me, even though it would have been the smart money. Also he looked totally hot in the shoes.

And I am also terrible at drinking beer, if speed is a factor. I challenged Lincoln to a chug-off, and I couldn't finish my cup. But I had a really good time. Matt and I recalled that we'd last gone bowling sometime in the mid 90's. So we were overdue. You all might want to check and see if your bowling licenses are up to date.