Publix Has Hung Their Giant Wreaths, So I Guess Christ Is Born, Everybody

I know it's like a thing to be all like, "Wah! Stores stock holiday stuff earlier every year! Why can't we go back to the days when all we wanted for Christmas was a corncob doll and a shiny penny?" I know. Like we're all just pining for homespun authenticity and slow time, which we could have if it weren't for all this shopping! But somebody's gotta do it! And get your hands off that Spode Christmas ladle or I will end you.

So it's a thing. But seriously, I noticed today that my Publix has bedecked itself with huge evergreen wreaths, and hung tinsel candle things from all the lights in the parking lot. Inside there are more swags and furbelows over the display cases. What with Halloween stuff appearing as soon as back-to-school is out of the way, and then Christmas things right at the stroke of 12 on Halloween night, and then Valentine's Day is everywhere on January 1, which will cede shelf space to Easter on February 15, I'm starting to feel a little whipped from pillar to post. Like we're on a forced march. I know we don't have to buy what they're selling, but there is a way that seeing all that stuff in every store seeps into your consciousness and makes you think you're insufficiently festive if you're not feeling their calendar. Their tail is wagging my dog..

I would just like to stand up for November, and for Thanksgiving, which seems to have no presence in our mass retail culture, which I fear will cause it to lose ground in our shared emotional culture. Thanksgiving has always been destined to lose to Halloween and Christmas, because it's not really monetizable. People don't buy things for Thanksgiving, except food and maybe plane tickets. It also sells magazines, I guess. (Sidebar: the other night Matt said, "The dog vomited at the top of the stairs. It was bad. I had to use the Martha Stewart Living to clean it up. I thought that was funny." I said, "But I hadn't read that one yet!" And he said, "I think you could still go fish it out of the trash." Hmmph. So now I'll never know what all Martha is going to do with pomegranate seeds this month.) So it's not that I want stores to come up with a whole bunch of Turkey merchandise to sell us. I would just like for them to wait a mo' with the outdoor decorations. I want to take a breath and enjoy November for what it is.

Publix redeemed itself for me tonight, because I ran in there to get Matt some popcorn, and there were coupons hanging on some of the bottles of Perrier. Now, last year, in the summer of '08, those of us who were hard core couponnieres had a nice little Perrier racket going. Publix had $1 off Perrier coupons on the shelves, which you could take across the street to CVS, where if you bought two bottles of Perrier (for a dollar each) you got $1 in CVS Extracare Bucks. You could lather, rinse, and repeat that deal as much as you wanted, if I recall. I do remember that I practically bathed in the stuff and I loved it. So right now, the big bottles of Perrier, which are $1.59 at my store, have 55 cent coupons hanging on the necks. It's only the pink grapefruit variety. A dollar for the big bottle seemed reasonable to me, so I struck hard. Check your Publix if you're needing a classier chug-a-lug. And Joyeux Noël!