It's a Knick-Knack, Patty Whack

The mainstream media is dropping the ball on this majorly important story, and you may have missed their fleeting mention of it, so I am bringing it to your attention to get your input. After he is sworn in as president on January 20, Barack Obama will have a "luncheon" with members of Congress, and they will give him an inauguration present. It will be this crystal bowl on a little pedestal.

Congress commissioned it from Lenox, Inc., the china company, who also did the inaugural gifts for the last several presidents. It took hundreds of hours to make, was handcut and etched, and weighs 8 pounds. According to the press release from Lenox (which all of the news reports just reproduced), "As the bowl is rotated, the president's residence can be seen through the cherry trees on each side." Well, golly! Apparently Joe Biden will get a similar bowl, but with a picture of the Capitol Building.

I didn't even know that Congress had a tradition of giving gifts to the newly sworn-in presidents. When I saw this bowl, I thought, "Um, really?" In the press release, Senator Dianne Feinstein says that the bowl "captures the beauty and dignity" of the inauguration. But when I look at it, my reaction--dare I say--is, "That's tacky." Something about the way his name and "The Presidential Inauguration" is etched right on there. . . to me it makes it less beautiful and more like a souvenir. A tchotchke. Like a shot glass or, ooh, one of those ceramic bells you can buy in truck stops.

Okay, okay! It's not a shot glass. I kid. It's not TOTALLY vulgar. But it is a tiny bit vulgar. The engraved pedestal makes a statement, and the statement is, "This object is for show, not to be pretty and useful. You'll want to use this for showing off." If they had etched the name and date onto the bowl somewhere, instead of having that extra piece, it would have been 100 times klassier. So it's for show, but unlike other beautiful objects that are "just for show," like a china plate on a mantelpiece, it never had a life as a useful object. It also has no history except what it announces, itself, with its engraving--it's designed to be an "instant heirloom." And its $2,500 pricetag does not justify its sad ostentation: it is showy--"here's a gift, we had your name put on it for you"--but it lacks either artistic importance OR real beauty. The bowl is touted as one-of-a-kind, but it doesn't seem like that. It's safe, it's boring, it would be better as a snow globe. Or is my reaction weird? I know that the issue of taste is a minefield. What do you think?

I am just picturing Michelle's reaction when Barack brings it home and hands it to her. Like, "What am I going to do with this?" So Michelle, not that you need help in this area, but here are a couple of ways that this gift can be used tastefully, in my opinion: First of all, lose the pedestal. Like, put it in a drawer where no one can see it. Now, either put the bowl on a hall table as a cellphone-and-keys receptacle, or put it in a guest bathroom filled with little toiletry products. That would be witty and appropriate. Any other ideas? And Michelle, I would love to chat about that or anything, so call me, girlfriend. I mean, Madam First Lady.