Matt and the kids came home Sunday night from their weekend in Chattanooga, and we all stood in the kitchen, kissing and hugging. Matt remarked that it was warm in the house, and pulled off his shirt. (He is prone to remove clothing whenever the mood strikes him.) I kept on hugging him, while Laura eyed us thoughtfully.
"Here's something from The Dangerous Book for Wives," she said.
"The what?"
"The Dangerous Book for Wives. It says not to get too close to a man when he's naked."
I thought, "Oh Lordy, here we go." But I said, "Um, why shouldn't you get too close to a man when he's naked?"
"Because you might catch man disease."
It really explains a lot--I'm worried that I may have contracted man disease. If only I had had the benefits of that wonderful, made-up tome, The Dangerous Book for Wives, I might have been more careful. But it's too late now!
I have no idea where she gets this stuff.
Monday, September 29, 2008
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9 comments:
Someone should write the Dangerous Book for Wives. I bet it would sell.
That is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time. She is a force to be reckoned with!
And I would totally read that book.
She's so on to something. I googled "Dangerous book for wives" because it's brilliant. Only Suburban Matron came up.
She's fantastic with the weird comments. Hope that went in the quip jar.
Totally going in the jar! And I'm trying to figure out what would be in the Dangerous Book for Wives. Tricks and stunts? Probably not how to make a perfect pie crust.
The Dangerous Book for Wives is chock full of drink recipes, especially those best enjoyed in a steaming bubble bath while your family thinks you're at the store. It contains instructions for giving yourself a mini hot rock massage (Step 1: Get some rocks). It has advice on how to replace the straps on your favorite bra so it lasts for years, pass the Colonel's chicken off as your own, and evict your mother-in-law from the kitchen without giving offense.
Jane! You are hired! I am cracking up at the rock massage and the bra straps. You need to write this puppy! We can collaborate! I know a few tricks.
That's awesome, Jane. I love it--let's see some collaboration here!
Listen, man disease is no joke. It's an equal opportunity killer. Of, uh, oh I don't know, that's all I got.
Man disease? I've got it bad.
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