Let's Check in on Codi, Shall We?

For those of you just joining us, Codi is this here wig on my head. Her color is "maple sugar," did I tell you that? So how is Codi doing? She's fine, just staying busy, you know how it goes. I'm quite pleased with her; I think she looks pretty natural. And God bless her, she keeps a shape that it takes a blow dryer and a round brush to achieve with real hair. She feels like real hair too. Sometimes find myself twirling a lock of it the way I always did my own hair. Then I get slightly embarrassed, like you might if you had to kiss someone for a play and you got really into it.

Or not much like that maybe.

Underneath there I'm like Ripley in Alien(s). That little cropped 'do that Matt gave me lasted about five days before it got too thin, and he buzzed it the rest of the way. Codi went on better after that. My head turned out to be a really normal shape too. You never know.

The kids like Codi. I went in to read to Laura's class last week, and afterwards Laura said, "Mom, you were sitting there and your hair looked so real!" And Hank said today, "Mom, I'm getting used to your bald head. But I'm more used to your wig."

They have both been real champs about it. One of the first days that it was all cut off, I was walking around the house and Laura said, "Mom, why don't you put your wig on?" I said, "Listen, you guys are going to have to get used to seeing me in wigs and hats and bald at different times." That's why Hank reassures me every now and then that he's "getting used to it."

When Matt's brother Andy came to visit last week, Hank told him he had something to show him in his room. He led Andy up there and told him where to sit. Then he sat down opposite him and said, "Mom's taking medicine that makes her hair fall out. My medicine won't make my hair fall out, but hers is falling out and she has a wig to wear. And she looks like a boy."

Matt had been the one to tell Hank what was about to happen with my hair, and he obviously got the message. I love that he wanted to clue Andy in, like he knew that my appearance might be surprising. I also overheard him telling Laura all about it the day he found out. Of course she already knew and was like, yeah, old news. Matt and I considered the whole thing a successful information roll-out.

The only awkward thing in the Codisphere is when I run into people I know only slightly or see very infrequently who don't know about the cancer and chemotherapy, and they say, "Oh, you have short hair now!" or some such. This happened three times in the last couple days and I dealt with each differently.

Scenario 1: at the party I took Laura to, the mother of the birthday child saw me and said, "Oh wow, you went short, it looks cute!" To which I replied, "Thanks!" and left it at that. If she'd been bringing her daughter over for a playdate, or I'd been at her house, I would have filled her in. But it was not the moment for me to be all, "Lemme bring the room down a little bit."

Scenario 2: at the carnival we ran into one of Laura's former classmates. I'm friendly with the mom, she's very gregarious, and she was there with her whole family including the grandparents and all her children. She said, "You have short hair now!" I said, "Yeah, there's a whole story to that." She said, "Really?" I said, "Yeah, I'll tell you about it later." Then I laughed and she laughed. I'm not sure what we were laughing at, except that it probably seemed like I had some bad salon experience to impart. Again, it didn't seem like the moment to start at square one.

Scenario 3: leaving swim practice, a neighbor I know only slightly through Pretty Neighbor, said, "Oh, it's you! I didn't recognize you with your short hair." She was sitting in her golf cart and I was standing with Laura. Somehow it was easier to be brief and direct. I said, "Actually it's a wig. I'm having chemotherapy." And she said, "Well it looks really cute." And I thanked her. I figured she'd get the deets, if she wanted to know more, from Pretty Neighbor.

So I don't know, we are muddling through, Codi 'n me. I can stand to wear her for a good eight or nine hours, or how ever long I need to be running around doing things, but there comes a time when it's moonrise on Mt. Baldy. You know how it feels really good when you take off your bra, or your high heels? It's kind of like that, only on your head.