tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post4018327735616772169..comments2023-10-07T03:12:02.883-04:00Comments on Suburban Matron: Oh, How Nice for HimBeckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06517252487552392654noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-30143415235715831922010-10-26T16:33:45.701-04:002010-10-26T16:33:45.701-04:00Shoot, I was hoping the deletion was something spi...Shoot, I was hoping the deletion was something spicy and provacative! Becky, it's hard to be compassionate when someone is using you and you have your own hurdles to face. And it is so easy for me to be compassionate ten years and thousands of miles from the situation. Most of the time I'm not terribly compassionate and you can see that in some of my blog entries when I'm whining about my ex-husband and his insipid wife who barely tolerates my sons and hates their dear old dog. <br /><br />http://www.edgyjunecleaver.com<br /><br />For some reason blogger won't let me link to my website via open id. (if this feels like spam to you, please delete my comment)laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02734604996634663930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-85735819019433254332010-10-24T20:09:32.268-04:002010-10-24T20:09:32.268-04:00(Heh, that was me commenting from Matt's compu...(Heh, that was me commenting from Matt's computer, logged in as him and thus making it look like he was breaking his perfect record of never commenting on this blog. Anyway.)<br /><br />Laura, I have read your comment several times now to absorb it. Thanks for sharing your experience. I tried to click through to your profile; I am dying to hear more about your lesbian exit from suburbia. And I wish that I'd thought of Stepford Knolls!<br /><br />I think you and Lisa and others are right, he does seem like a depressed person. This points, for me, toward something that is my ongoing struggle: being more compassionate to people who, for whatever reason, I find difficult.Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06517252487552392654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-1966290486452334502010-10-24T20:04:44.165-04:002010-10-24T20:04:44.165-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Matthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16066576269562551756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-47531609878237817742010-10-24T15:03:07.199-04:002010-10-24T15:03:07.199-04:00So, basically, you babysit his kids so he can nap?...So, basically, you babysit his kids so he can nap? And don't you feed them sometimes too? Not cool, Conspiracy Guy. Not cool.Jennihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03776942311638100226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-38447182736532044442010-10-24T12:52:30.782-04:002010-10-24T12:52:30.782-04:00I haven't stopped thinking about this post. M...I haven't stopped thinking about this post. Mostly because I was guilty of that guy's behavior and Lisa Lillianthal hit the nail on the head. He's depressed and the discription of his behavior flashed me back to my own childhood of my perpetually nappish mom and my own experience with depression when I chronically sent my boys to the neighbors house (one of whom actually still speaks to me after my lesbian exit from Stepford Knolls). I hope he gets some help. It's terrible growing up with a depressed parent.<br /><br />I'm all better now and am eternally grateful to the mom's on the block who helped me through a hellish time in my life because my husband was useless. Besides that it all evens out in this crazy thing called life and a couple of the kids from that time have spent lotsa time at my house in the past few years.<br /><br />And I don't blame you for being "snitty" about it because you should be napping each afternoon.laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02734604996634663930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-75313394298010817762010-10-22T21:04:39.379-04:002010-10-22T21:04:39.379-04:00ok, miss becky, dr. lisa here - I think CG is seri...ok, miss becky, dr. lisa here - I think CG is seriously depressed - I'm sure some real doctor in your readership will back me up here - not that that makes it ok for him to use you for free daycare ... but bless those little girls' hearts and thank goodness they have you!Lisa Lilienthalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03152500885897993371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-4746127514953265162010-10-22T20:32:47.035-04:002010-10-22T20:32:47.035-04:00OMG Hyphen Mama! You win the absolute prize for ne...OMG Hyphen Mama! You win the absolute prize for neighborhood parenting. That is just amazing.<br /><br />And I'm so glad you commented so I can find YOUR blog and scour it for tales of your fellow, um, parents. Though that seems too strong a word!<br /><br />Also, thanks so much for the kind words. And I do have the most awesome reader buddies. They are sharp as tacks, I swear. Welcome!Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06517252487552392654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-30370972361378283522010-10-22T20:08:33.104-04:002010-10-22T20:08:33.104-04:00OK... I'm coming out of the stalking closet to...OK... I'm coming out of the stalking closet to comment. I stumbled upon your blog recently (maybe googling "painted pumpkins"??) and have loved catching up. You are my hero on so many levels.<br /><br />I'm the only stay-at-home mom on my block and I am the "foster mom" to 4 kids from 3 different homes. Some days we end up with one girl from 9am and send her home at 7pm, having fed her several meals. Her grandma "sleeps" during the day and we know nothing except her parents don't want her and spend a little time in jail every now and again. Another boy, whom we call Tornado, is the only child of 2 medical professionals who send him across to our house unannounced so they don't have to spend that 1 hour a day with him that they're home. The only factor is that both of my kids LOVE having these kids over, or else I'd put a stop to it. Our house rule is known far and wide: We close down all playdates at 5pm sharp. Unfortunately, sometimes the one 8 year-old girl is known to wander the streets (we are in the city) until whoknowswhen. <br /><br />I love some of your readers' comments and suggestions. What wonderful readers you've got!<br /><br />Fabulous blog. I love seeing a new post in my reader.Hyphen Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10129843526632243730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-89073940258822070342010-10-22T17:18:13.665-04:002010-10-22T17:18:13.665-04:00Exactly, Keely, that's the thing: I could lean...Exactly, Keely, that's the thing: I could lean in the direction of limiting their time here and probably do it. I just know that wouldn't lead to anything better for them. And it doesn't cost me anything to have them over here, except it makes me snarky from time to time. It's like I just want those parents to perform better. Which is next to impossible for me, a neighbor, to socially engineer.Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06517252487552392654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-77688481525579144032010-10-22T17:12:32.012-04:002010-10-22T17:12:32.012-04:00Oh my gosh. He is TOTALLY taking advantage. Sinc...Oh my gosh. He is TOTALLY taking advantage. Since you don't feel comfortable with the level of reciprocity, I like the idea of requiring him to phone first.<br /><br />Although...if you're "unavailable", those kids will likely just be wandering around the street. Yeesh. Dilemma.Keelyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06323783519078200647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-8538781934400422052010-10-22T17:08:22.853-04:002010-10-22T17:08:22.853-04:00Yes! Exactly, yea, I walk through the Valley of De...Yes! Exactly, yea, I walk through the Valley of Decision.<br /><br />Today they didn't show up until 4:20. The three of them happily took apart the book room for a while, then I told them that if they all went out in the backyard and climbed into the playhouse, I would give them juice boxes.<br /><br />And the pay-off is clear. Hank is occupied and not staring at a screen and I am not having to fight with light sabers.Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06517252487552392654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-10903838506049466412010-10-22T17:05:10.933-04:002010-10-22T17:05:10.933-04:00I know where you are: the Valley of Decision. Does...I know where you are: the Valley of Decision. Does the inconvenience of the Foster Children coming over everyday outweigh the fact that Hank likes to play with them *and* that a conversation about it with CG would likely be a surreal, soul-draining experience?<br /><br />That's a toughie. It would drive me nuts for sure. But what's sad--and I've seen this happen with them--is that if you tell them it's not a good time to come over, then they're just wandering around the cul-de-sac on their own. And I'm sure he has no idea. In this day, I can't imagine not knowing where my very young children were at a given moment!<br /><br />That's hilarious about the waiting for 4:00 thing. I bet he uses that as an inducement for them to do their school stuff. You're the carrot, Beck!Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07969357513275063157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-85484091041217478872010-10-22T15:25:04.574-04:002010-10-22T15:25:04.574-04:00Ooh. That is an awkward problem. It sort of remi...Ooh. That is an awkward problem. It sort of reminded me of a Miss Manners question sent in by a couple who lived in a neighborhood that frequently lost power. They had a generator, their neighbors didn't, and whenever the power went out the neighbors were knocking at their door wanting to take hot showers in their bathroom or catch their favorite show on TV. It's not that they minded any particular incident, but over time they had started to feel... taken advantage of.<br /><br />Miss Manners' solution was to sometimes just be unavailable. Just say, "I'm sorry, this is not a good time," and resist any efforts to draw out a further explanation. Because, really, you don't owe people either the use of your home or an explanation for why you won't give it to them.<br /><br />Maybe a similar policy would cut down on visits, or at least make CG realize he needs to arrange things with you in advance?Janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12357240497831335619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-44013361984130020262010-10-22T14:45:46.457-04:002010-10-22T14:45:46.457-04:00See, I'm going to remember this post when I...See, I'm going to remember this post when I'm complaining about how done I am living in the city. Because, living in the city, you'd never just send your kids over to someone's house. Unannounced. Every day. You're a good woman to foster them.Genhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04586100078714077261noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-64409042237254019192010-10-22T13:34:51.200-04:002010-10-22T13:34:51.200-04:00Janimal, good call on not having her over when you...Janimal, good call on not having her over when you're not around. <br /><br />Nova, he doesn't work at night. Unless porn is a job now. Oh I am kidding! I have no idea what he's doing. I get it, though. There are many afternoons when I could use a nap or when I zone out on the couch in between requests for juice or to play Batman.<br /><br />Annie, glad to have you! I am definitely getting the message that it's good to be the house where all the kids gather. I'm sure it will be more fun as they get older too.<br /><br />Elle, totally. I can't remember who gave me this line to use (one of you guys) but if it ever comes up, I'm going to tell him, "Well when the girls are at our house, I just treat them like part of the family," meaning they can watch Spongebob and be in the presence of my microwave while it's running, and also my Halloween decorations, which as they've told me, "celebrate dead people."<br /><br />Also, several weeks ago I overheard Laura telling the girls, "Oh yes, boys CAN marry boys." I figured that this would create pushback but so far, not.Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06517252487552392654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-13748683701294676632010-10-22T11:11:01.204-04:002010-10-22T11:11:01.204-04:00Those girls are lucky to have a sweet neighbor lik...Those girls are lucky to have a sweet neighbor like you. Because if you weren't there, I bet CG would still be napping and sending them out of the house to wander. I wonder if Mrs CG knows her kids are off at your house while Daddy sleeps? My guess is that she does. I hope they appreciate you.<br /><br />There is a troubled preteen girl in our neighborhood who comes around a lot. Started with us saying hi while we were outside playing and has grown from there. It's new thing for us as rookie parents, and we didn't know how to react given she is so much older than our toddler daughter. But we thought about it and I realized if I lived at her house, I would want to get away as much as possible too. So we welcome her.<br /><br />BUT - my husband is a SAHD. And when she shows up to play, we don't think it's a good idea for her to come in the house if I'm not there. If I were home, I think we would have a "foster kid" too.<br /><br />Keep on being awesome.janimalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11916480082033700432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-56238757897152732062010-10-22T11:10:13.555-04:002010-10-22T11:10:13.555-04:00Just playing devil's advocate a little bit her...Just playing devil's advocate a little bit here, but that dad probably works nights. <br /><br />Or maybe he's lazy. <br /><br />But yeah, either way, he should at least check with you to see if you don't mind babysitting!novahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10999587070684124074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-63920415032583654012010-10-22T11:02:57.945-04:002010-10-22T11:02:57.945-04:00I am wondering what is going on in that house. I ...I am wondering what is going on in that house. I would be very uncomfy if my young children were in someone else house while I took a nap. Just so odd to me. The fact that he actually sends them over while I can only assume you really dont know him well.<br />I am a single mom, and I tend to have my childrens friends over my house. I like it that way. I love the fact that I am the house that all the kids love coming to BUT every single day at 4pm while dad sleeps is very odd!!Crafty and Classyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05770485574028832878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-3788447665097485342010-10-22T10:50:04.355-04:002010-10-22T10:50:04.355-04:00(just discovered your blog. you owe me 6ish hours...(just discovered your blog. you owe me 6ish hours of my life back as I "caught up"...)<br />As a mom about 10yrs down the road from you: Perhaps a quick, cheery phone call to CG (! great names btw) mentioning the increasing homework etc that is occupying your early afternoons with DD and if he could just call and make sure it is a good day for daughters to pop over? Making him own the every day phone call and re-enforcing it when the call doesn't happen may drop the visits? <br />I am, as the mother of three boys and the site of the neighborhood armoury (bad dad, bad dad), "the house." It really is a good thing in the long run, even on the days when my snack food is devoured in minutes and the oven is on and the cookie sheets are left everywhere and the sink is full......For years I've just sighed, increaded the food and martyred on--and suddenly I have 16 year old boys who are not scared to talk to me, who text me little tidbits I should know (ex: "C. got invited into Ntl Honor Society and didn't want to tell you because of the extra service hours"....)So, the balance between being taken advantage of and the chance to mean something in lives of neighborhood waifs....truly a balance! Good luck.<br />PS--you are a fabulouse writer/storyteller!anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11319993000624389109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-709294011398826962010-10-22T10:19:22.218-04:002010-10-22T10:19:22.218-04:00I like Megan's comment and I had the same reac...I like Megan's comment and I had the same reaction. This whole situation is blowing my mind! Good luck!Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04844872124729563671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-29654403765996616242010-10-22T09:15:29.478-04:002010-10-22T09:15:29.478-04:00You know, Becky, I put this in my deep-o-lator for...You know, Becky, I put this in my deep-o-lator for overnight frying, apparently, because when I woke up this morning, I was still thinking about it. <br /><br />I just typed and deleted a bunch of stuff because it takes up too much space. It defied my graphic aesthetic. But there are 2 parts to this: 1. CG is inert. Also, a bad word. 2. Those girls don't have anyone taking care of them! I would not want to be friends with the person who would leave them in the lurch! But also, if you take care of them, then CG can not micromanage what happens at yr house, i.e. the video game thing. People who want their children cared for in their magical ideal need to a. do it themselves, or b. direct an employee.<br /><br />Talk to the girls & Hank about evolution next week and in the fallout, assert yrself & define your boundaries.<br /><br />Man! CG should have been driving you to radiation, Becky. Why didn't we think of that?Ellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06803732363292861944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-69121377941776411292010-10-22T06:28:44.217-04:002010-10-22T06:28:44.217-04:00Oh my word, if this is you being snitty, you must ...Oh my word, if this is you being snitty, you must be the most gracious person ever.<br />I'm so snitty that there's a whole different word for it.puncturedbicyclehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05212233036487597597noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-33696059039911937372010-10-22T01:35:28.140-04:002010-10-22T01:35:28.140-04:00Just tell yourself that one day you'll want AL...Just tell yourself that one day you'll want ALL kids over at your house because that means you know where YOUR kids are. There's something really satisfying knowing that YOUR HOUSE is "the place to be."Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03313726816776097840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-38903597458299847412010-10-22T01:19:47.515-04:002010-10-22T01:19:47.515-04:00Goodness, look at me, I go AWOL while planning and...Goodness, look at me, I go AWOL while planning and executing Planting Day at the elder's school, and I miss FOUR posts! The horror. Not nearly as horrifying as CG, though. What. The. HELL? I just don't get it. Between him and Frenemy, you've got a sitcom on your hands. Or a melodrama. Or, more likely, a tragedy.<br /><br />It sounds like most of your interactions are with these girls. How often do you ever talk to CG himself? Does he ever thank you for raising his children?<br /><br />My word verification is "ethic," which I think is the ether trying to give CG a hint. Cause he AIN'T gettin' it.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05220334396409452136noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6328138894440374230.post-80532600722416700332010-10-21T23:07:27.507-04:002010-10-21T23:07:27.507-04:00i don't think you are being snitty at all!! H...i don't think you are being snitty at all!! He is taking advantage of you and you might consider setting some limits on the homeschooling with becky and hank curriculum he has going there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com